


Shiver Me Tinders

by BitterSweetDeath (orphan_account), Cat2170, Fishing4Sin, OllyOllyOxenFree, poubelle_squelette, Rehlia, ShittyDinner



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Basically Pornful, Each chapter is a one-shot, F/F, F/M, Lots of different reader pairings, M/M, Multi, Nicknamed Readers, Reader Is Not Frisk, Smut, Usually No Strings Attached, Usually Sex Is Fun, basically plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 10:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7504422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/BitterSweetDeath, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat2170/pseuds/Cat2170, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishing4Sin/pseuds/Fishing4Sin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllyOllyOxenFree/pseuds/OllyOllyOxenFree, https://archiveofourown.org/users/poubelle_squelette/pseuds/poubelle_squelette, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehlia/pseuds/Rehlia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyDinner/pseuds/ShittyDinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sick and tired of their lacklustre dating options, a group of friends turn to Tinder in hopes of finding some no-strings fun.</p><p>And humans may be fun, but monsters do it better.</p><p>A collection of one-shot smut chapters written by BitterSweetDeath, Cat2170, Fishing4Sin, OllyOllyOxenFree, poubelle_squelette, ShittyDinner, Rehlia, TellCosy, and VoidedBabbles!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PET? PAT? POT? - BitterSweetDeath

**Author's Note:**

> HellOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY!
> 
> First up: Sans/Reader!
> 
> Written by TellCosy
> 
> Summary: You've had a bit of a sexual dry spell, and just as you're about ready to throw in the towel and call your ex, you are surprised to see a monster on Tinder. Better yet, you and Sans match. You can't wait to see how that translates to the bedroom.
> 
> Smut Tags: oral sex, dirty talk, body worship, very brief orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, magical dick
> 
> LET'S DO THIS LIKE BRUTUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH LOOK, A WILD UPDATE APPEARS!  
> Before you read, please keep in mind that I'm not a furry so if I happen to write something that sounds really stupid then... uhh RIP. Sorry for taking so long. Except I'm not sorry. Deal with it.
> 
> Doggo / Reader
> 
> Written by BitterSweetDeath
> 
> Summary: REGRET.
> 
> Additional tags: furry, knotting, menstrual blood, biting, pet names, humor, really shitty awkward situations

This was a bad idea. You knew it was going to be bad from the start, and you went head first for it anyway.

 

What happens when your mind says no… but your heart also says no? There’s something else altogether that edges you on, convincing you to make poor life choices anyway. This is why you try to say “no” as often as you can, because you know you’re so prone to the creation of bad, new memories that will make you embarrassed for ages to come.

 

This is one of them.

 

You’re exhausted, alone in a stranger’s house, and your panties are downright _soaked._

 

Oh right. It takes you a moment to recall that you’re caught in the middle of your monthly visit with the red wave. The crimson tsunami hit right on the dot this time. Hell, you were expecting it. You could have made other plans, or at the very least you could have rescheduled. But as per usual, that spiteful dog of irrational decisions had to rear it’s ugly head.

 

And that wasn’t the only dog that was rearing it’s head presently. There’s one buried nose deep in between your legs, digging for your gold mine hidden past your wet sanitary napkin. Or maybe he’s just trying to sniff out a bone. Or he's hungry for red meat. Who fucking knows.

 

A fluffy tail sweeps across your field of vision as a wave of arousal soaks you even further. Or is that blood? You're lost in the sensation and you’re way too turned on to be able to tell.

 

How did you get here?

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Soooooo, Prudy-patootie. When’s it gonna be your turn?” asks Goose with mocking saccharine.

 

It’s your bi-weekly meetup with your partners in crime during happy hour, and you’re just about ready to smack them both in the face. Mav and Goose have been going on about their hookups all week, showing you the Tinder profiles and talking about their recent adventures with their smokin’ hot husboneds in great length. You roll your eyes in feigned disgust. In truth, you’re both interested and salty, because you’re at this point in life where you’ve gotta lie about your definition of a “dry spell”. Sure, you’d like to give this ordeal a shot eventually, but you’ve got about as much charm as a broken mirror. You’re already so busy bending over and having work shoved into every orifice -  how do these two expect you to have time for any other sort of bending?

 

“Nah. I’m too busy. I don’t have time for commitment.”

 

Goose slaps the table like it’s the greatest thing she’s ever heard. “Who the hell said anything about commitment? No strings attached, babe. It’s the perfect kind of non-existent relationship you could use in your life.”

 

You’re getting ready to tell her off when Mav snatches your phone out of your hand.

 

“Dude. Seriously?”

 

She waves you away. “Yeah, yeah. We’re doing what’s best for you, my darling. What’s your password again? elegantgenitals123?”

 

“No!”

 

“Oops, wrong password. Forgot to capitalize the E. Good ol’ classic Prude. Okay, I’m installing the app now.”

 

Face palm. You should have changed your password. You shouldn’t have even told these two in the first place. “Oh my god.”

 

… At this point, you’ve given up altogether. Once these two get fixated on an idea, you become the unwilling passenger strapped in for the wild ride. Goose grabs your wallet from the table and throws it onto the floor next to her.

 

“What the hell?” you groan.

 

She giggles innocently. “My dearest friend. You cannot just go around dropping cash like you’re made of money even if you’re always working. You should be a good girl and go pick that up.”

 

You’re mildly annoyed now as you get up and walk across the room to retrieve your wallet. The moment you bend over, Mav zooms onto your cleavage and exposed bra, and then there’s that audible camera shutter. Cue more laughing as your face turns red.

 

“... Can I please, please, _please_ have my phone back?” you whine.

 

“Only if you’ll give this app a shot,” teases Mav, holding your phone just outside your reach. Your shoulders grow limp as you cave in.

 

“Fine. 10 profiles. That’s it.”

 

“10 _monster_ profiles. And you need to swipe right on at least one of them.”

 

“Fine! Just give me back my phone! Gods, I feel vulnerable and exposed without it.”

 

You’re just about ready to call it an evening, but it’s hardly even begun for these two. Okay, you’ll give it a shot. Begrudgingly. Though you’ve gotta hide that look of curiosity and excitement threatening to form on your face. You’ll admit that you’re somewhat interested in scoping out the scene, but you’ve got to maintain that aloof demeanor when you’re with these two, or else you’ll never hear the end of it.

 

First profile comes up.

 

It’s…

 

It’s…

 

It’s a fucking Snowman.

 

His caption says, “Wanna take a piece of me home? ;)”

 

You’ve never swiped left so fast in your life.

 

“What was that?!” asks Goose.

 

“Nothing. Oh my god, that was just horrible. Why are you making me do this?”

 

“You’ve got 9 more swipes to go, babe. Better swipe carefully!”

 

You’re just about ready to cry, but you trudge on. There’s a really gross, hat shaped creature with lip injections and far too many legs named j3rr33. You ditch him as fast as possible. Next is a really depressed looking ghost who wants to talk about his poor self image. Ha, no. You swipe left on a yellow cephalopod by the username SHALLOTSAN.

 

Swipe, swipe, swipe.

 

Well, this isn’t going well. The 9th profile to pop up is apparently an anthropomorphic carrot who’s unashamedly into vore. Who the hell puts that info right on their profile?! Why did these two hype this up so goddamn much? Swipe.

 

“Prude! Now you’ve gotta swipe right for whoever pops up next. You’ve really dug yourself a hole this time. A promise is a promise.”

 

Fuck. You’re almost too scared to see the next profile in this chain of horrors. You take a deep breath and look.

 

Oh.

 

O-oh.

 

Your eyes bulge a bit and you feel the blood rush to your face. You don’t get a chance to look at his other photos before your phone is once again snatched from your hand.

 

“Ohhh my!” Mav muses outloud. “I didn’t know you were a furry!”

 

“I-I’m not!” you defend yourself weakly.

 

“Hey look, it’s a match! That was fast.”

 

“Why you…!”

 

Mav and Goose huddle around your phone and turn their backs toward you, effectively blocking your way.

 

“If a furry has a human fetish, does that make them a smoothy?” Goose giggles.

 

“Give that back!” You demand. You’re ready to scream when they shove your phone back into your hands. There’s a notification. He’s already messaging you? What a keener wiener. You feel faint.

 

YOU MATCHED WITH DOGGO ON xx/xx/201x

**what’s up, kitten**

 

You feel the corners of your mouth involuntarily lift upward.

 

**i promise i’m not a serial killer**

 

…. And there goes any chance of anything. Who the fuck says that as an intro? Nope, nope, nope. You shut off your phone screen and immediately slam it against the table.

 

That was a mistake.

 

Both Goose and Mav have lost any semblance of sanity as their laughter wreaks havoc in the restaurant.

 

* * *

 

 

You’ve been laying low, effectively ignoring those two for the week. Meanwhile, you’ve been secretly swiping through profiles as you work overtime. You’re too shy and scared to actually swipe right on most of them, though you’ll admit there are actually quite a few good lookers from the underground. You’ve even seen the fire elemental and the skeleton that Goose and Mav have been going on about, but you’re not about to double dip - even if it’s no strings attached.

 

Okay, admit it. You’re slightly hooked at this point. You might as well go home because your brain is so fried from being overworked, and your boss sure as hell wouldn’t be happy paying you to window shop on the job. Just go home, kid. You’ve got an addicting personality and little-to-none in the self-control department, even if you’re too much of a wimp to actually use the app properly. But there’s that one profile that you find yourself constantly going back to.

 

You haven’t even responded yet, jerk. But how is one supposed to respond to someone telling you they aren’t gonna cook you for dinner?

 

That fucking Doggo.

 

He’s a bipedal dog monster that sort of resembles a husky. Hell, he’s cute in a way. Not in the human way, that’s for sure, but he’s got this strange mix of derpy yet severe and mysterious aesthetic going on that seems to switch from picture to picture. You’re not sure if you want to simply pat his head or let your hands roam free and explore the rest of his body.

 

This is killing you, in more ways than one.

 

Oh, what the hell.

 

**Mew! Don’t hurt me please.**

 

**^ↀᴥↀ^**

 

Come on. Seriously? That was gross. Two minutes pass. You start freaking out and mentally berating yourself in the meantime, because _really?_ You don’t answer him for a week, and that’s what you start off with? You put your phone down and force yourself to look away, unsuccessfully.

 

_Vrrr vrrr._ You’ve never picked up your phone so fast.

 

 

**has the kitten finally come out to play?**

 

 

Shit. You’re blushing furiously. If keeps insisting on calling you that…

 

**Kitty is feeling stressed and needs a break. (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)**

 

… You’re disgusting. At least Doggo is sweet enough to humor you.

 

 

**well you’re in luck cuz you’re talking to a certified ‘puppy therapist’. ;p**

 

**Oh yeah? Not a serial killer then?**

 

**nah, though i’ve been told i’ve got clinical services to die for.**

 

 

Snort. This fucking guy.

 

 

**What’s your rate?**

 

**woof. big spender eh? it’s pretty steep, but for a cutie like you… it’s on the house.**

 

**meet you for a one on one sesh at my office?**

 

**Of course. Wouldn’t want to miss my dogtor’s appointment. =＾● ⋏ ●＾=**

 

 

Hook, line, and sinker. It’s disgusting how excited you are. Just as disgusting as all those kaomojis you’ve used. He’s given you his address to his workplace - apparently he’s a security guard and he’s got an hour left in his shift. A guard dog. Somehow, that doesn’t surprise you at all. You’re far too tired to make rational decisions at this point as you frantically slip on your coat and grab your bag. This is probably a dumb idea, but god dammit, you’re really in the mood to pet and snuggle up against a pupper right now, even if done so in a platonic manner.

 

Against your better judgement, you hop in a cab and ride off. You arrive at your destination before you find out he’s brought you to the Monster Embassy. Are you fucking kidding? You finger your phone anxiously as you locate the side entrance he told you to go through. He said he’ll authorize your access as a special guest. Does he even have the power to do that? You hit the buzzer and smile anxiously at the camera. You mouth the words “Hi Doggo,” before he unlocks the door for you from his office.

 

Steeling your resolve, you step in.

 

“Glad you could keep me company, kitten.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

You’re a VIP right now, or so he says. You get the whole special tour of the security office. Is he going to get fired for this? His office isn’t actually as dark as you imagined security offices to be, but there are screens and cameras everywhere. He says nothing gets past him except for things that don’t move, whatever that’s supposed to mean. He hands you a cup of steaming hot coffee as you get settled. You are sitting on the chair next to him as he explains the significance of each screen, which should probably be confidential.

 

But every word he says just enters your ear and heads out on the other side. You're way too preoccupied with the anxiety gnawing at your chest. How do Goose and Mav pull off confidence like it's no big deal? You’re all alone in a room with no one but yourself and a really cute puppy, and you're just sitting here, caught up in a whirlwind of insecurities and self-doubt.

 

It’s just you and Doggo.

 

You shiver unexpectedly.

 

“Hey.” His voice breaks you out of your thoughts. “You alright?”

 

“Y-yeah,” you stammer. “Just a bit nervous.”

 

“Don’t be. Here!”

 

He bows his head at you. Uh, what?

 

“Um…”

 

“Go on. Pet me. Pet my head. Told you I was a therapist, yeah?”

 

You tentatively reach out and… oh dear, that's unexpectedly soft. _So soft._ You watch as your fingers sink into the his plush fur coat. You gently scratch the spot above his eyebrows as his eyelids slide shut. Heh, this is cute and strangely relaxing. Satisfied, you continue on and make your way to the back of his ears, watching them turn to your ministrations. He was right, this really was making you feel more at ease - and from the looks of it, you were having a similar effect on him. He looks like he’s really enjoying himself as you continue to scratch behind his ears, because he’s slowly inching toward you, leaning more and more as you go. His ears twitch and he glances up at you when he feels you massaging his velvety ears.

 

You quickly pull your hands back.

 

“Sorry! I guess you don’t like that?”

 

“No, no, don’t stop. That feels… really good.”

 

You lock eyes with him for a moment before he’s out of his seat entirely and now climbing onto you like a lap dog. He’s essentially straddling you in your seat as he nestles his heavy head at the crook where your neck meets shoulder.

 

Gosh, that’s awfully forward of him! But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying this yourself. Daaamn. This is definitely puppy therapy at it’s finest. All that pent up stress is slipping from you with every stroke his fuzzy head. It’s exactly what you needed after working overtime. Should you keep going…?

 

Fuck it, you’re already here.

 

A sudden surge of confidence wills you to continue on downward, hands roaming to the back of his neck and stopping where the collar of his guard uniform begins. You push on a little further until you’re two inches under his neckline, and you must have found a pretty sweet spot, because he’s suddenly leaning all of his weight on you as he starts fanning your leg with his tail.

 

“You like that, puppy?” you tease.

 

“God, _yes.”_ He’s practically growling in your ear and -- the mood changes from chaste to something electrically charged. He licks his lips a few times in your ear before he runs a wet tongue along your neck, and an unexpected moan escapes you.

 

Shit.

 

He backs away from you and stares at you, eyes wide. You’re just as shocked.

 

Um. Did you really just make that sound?

 

Uh.

 

You stop thinking altogether as you lean forward and plant your lips against his snout. He eagerly opens his mouth in response and begins to explore yours with his tongue. His fucking tongue is ridiculously long compared to yours as he wrestles you orally, and he tastes a bit like charred meat and smoke. He pulls away from you, just enough to grasp your lower lip with his canines and he nibbles gently. His breath against your face is hot and sends a spike of arousal to your core.

 

And then the phone fucking rings.

 

“Oh! Let me get that.” Doggo jumps off your lap and grabs the handheld, leaving you underwhelmed and suddenly missing his warmth. Dammit.

 

“Yeah? I’ll check the cams. Nah, that was just Whimsun on 3rd floor. No, I don’t know why he’s still here. I’ll kick that fucking idiot out in 20 minutes if he doesn’t leave on his own. ‘Kay.”

 

With that, he drops the phone back onto the receiver and waddles back to you, sporting a semi-conspicuous bulge at the front of his uniform.

 

“Sorry kitten. You mind just hanging around for another 20 minutes til I’m off my shift? I’m almost done.”

 

“Yeah, no problem,” you huff, slightly disappointed. “It’s probably for the best anyway since I’m… uh… I’m on the rag.”

 

“The what?”

 

Oh.

 

“Um. You know. Kind of like the human equivalent of a heat cycle?”

 

“YOU’RE IN HEAT?!”

 

“What - no! I’m like in that bleeding phase right now. You know. Kind of gross anyway? Wow, I’m not selling myself very well at the moment.”

 

He snickers at you and pats you reassuringly on the head. You take a moment to consider the fact that you were just pet on the head by a dog. Okay.

 

Guess you'll have to put off the shenanigans for the next few minutes or else he may actually get fired. He’s back in his own seat now, monitoring the screen while you idly thumb through your phone. But you’re a somewhat patient person, so you’re willing to wait.

 

Well no, that's a lie. You’d normally be more patient, but the anxiety is back…

 

So you find your hands roaming again, stroking Doggo on the head as he works. He turns to you and smiles before going back to his camera.

 

… Dammit dude. You’re a little needy and you want attention right now. You’re already doing something you’ve never done before by meeting up with a complete stranger, and he needs to acknowledge you. You’re determined to take things into his own hand, as well as other things. With a little less than grace, you crawl under his desk and prod his legs apart.

 

“W-wha?? What are you doing?” he yelps incredulously.

 

“Don’t worry. Be a good pupper and watch the embassy, okay?” You casually tongue the already wet patch on his trousers and watch as he swallows anxiously.

 

“O-okay. I don’t know if I can really work like this. Uh, not that I’m complaining!”

 

“I have complete faith in you.”

 

You get to work, undoing his belt buckle and sliding the zipper down before his already dripping cock springs free. You flick your tongue across the tip experimentally, chuckling when he reflexively makes shallow thrusts toward your mouth. You stop when you notice him watching you from above, panting and half-lidded with lust.

 

“Hey! Get back to work,” you tease.

 

“Shit. _Baaabe._ But…”

 

“Is someone being a bad boy and doesn't want me to continue?”

 

Cue whimpering. He forces himself to look away and back to the screens. You resume, sliding your saliva-slicked fingers across his shaft while tasting his pre. It’s definitely not the sort of penis you’re used to, but it’s got a similar give and he’s surprisingly tasteless. He’s twitching erratically as you swirl your tongue across the head, and he’s trying hard to keep his voice down, but his body betrays him. He places one paw on your head, gripping your hair as he tries to hold back from fucking you in the mouth with wild abandon.

 

“Please… - _ah, fuck!_ \- you don’t - _hnngh_ \- you don’t have to…”

 

Well you’re not going to leave him hanging. You double your efforts and take in as much of his length into your mouth.  

 

“A-aah! You’re so fffff-fucking good at - you’re so - ffffuck, how are you doing this - so, _so good_ -”

 

This is way too fun. You’ve never seen someone so overly sensitive, nor have you made anyone come undone so quickly. You pick up speed, bobbing your head around the tip and massaging his shaft. He suddenly leans back in his seat, panting with his long tongue lolling about, drool dripping unceremoniously onto his uniform.

 

This puppy is about to _cum_ and you love it.

 

A buzzer goes off and you find your mouth empty once again.

 

God! Fucking! Dammit!

 

“Hah… hah… Sorry kitten, my shift is over and the next guy is about to come in. We should get out before he sees you in here. Wanna head to my place? My apartment is nearby.”

 

“Fine. You owe me.”

 

His laughter has an unexpected bite to it. He quickly stuffs his bulge back into his trousers, then helps you to your feet. The blood has pooled at your legs and you almost stumble, only to fall forward into his outstretched arms. He disconnects from you just momentarily to sign out, only to return and drag your hand away.

 

_Thump thump. Thump thump._

 

Your head is spinning as he leads you from his office to the streets - you barely even notice the other bipedal dog that you pass by who’s subsequently starting his shift after Doggo.

 

But you don’t care. Earlier this evening, you made a decision. A questionable decision, but you’re going to go through with it nonetheless. You want to wreck this monster, and now you’re going to. You’re not even trying to be subtle about it anymore as you stroke his tail while he leads you home - and he’s the same, taking any opportunity to paw at your ass on the walk. The closer you two arrive at your destination, the faster you two walk, eventually breaking out into a sprint.

 

You stumble around and you’re out of breath from the excursion, but he makes it look like a breeze. Dammit Doggo, you’re ready to punch him in his smug lil’ face, but he goes ahead and picks you up effortlessly. You straddle your legs around his waist and you’re back to exploring his sharp canines with your tongue as he carries you inside. You’re so pre-occupied that you don’t even get a chance to see his choice in decor.

 

Wham! You find yourself slamming against a couch of some sort with Doggo on top and between your legs - or maybe it’s an oversized dog bed? Regardless, you’re a sweaty mix of skin and fur as his paws snake their way up your shirt, pressing against the swell of your chest and pulling your breasts from the padding of your bra, kneading rough circles on your erect nipples. Shit, shit, shit. You spread your legs further, grinding up to meet his erection despite the cloth barrier separating you two. Your hands find their way behind his neck again, scratching that area two inches past his neckline once again.

 

And that elicits the familiar growl, and he takes his opportunity to chomp down on your neck.

 

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

You shove him away.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry! Noo nooo, I’m sorry. I misread the situation.”

 

“The fucking hurt! Am I bleeding?”

 

“No, you’re fine. I didn’t break skin. Hey, hey I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, kitten. Please?”

 

Fucking puppy-dog eyes. You don’t get much of a chance to respond before he’s scooching down and rubbing his nose against your crotch.

 

“H-hold up! Didn’t you hear me? I.. I’m… I’m bleeding right now!”

 

He takes a deep breath between your legs. “Haa… I don’t care. You smell so…” _Sniff._ “So fucking good right now.”

 

You lock eyes with him, his half-lidded and lustful. Blood pools straight toward your sex and you feel your clit swell. Welp. If he insists, you’re not one to say no.

 

Barely a second passes and he’s attacking your shirt, rolling the fabric over your head to reveal your already-uncovered breasts hanging out of your bra. He fumbles around with the clasp to no avail - it’s hard enough for regular guys to take it off, so you can’t really expect too much from someone with less than dexterous paws. You assist him, then proceed with peeling your work pants from your legs, leaving you bare with nothing but panties and a blood soaked pad.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? I mean, it’s probably not gonna be a pretty sight. We could always reschedule…”

 

Too late. He’s already looping his digit over the sides of your panties and he’s pulling them down. Oh gross, you don’t even want to look. This guy is a total freak. Or as Goose suggested, he’s probably a ‘smoothy’.

 

“Don’t worry, my pretty little kitty-kat. I’mma clean you right up.”

 

“Seriously, are you…”

 

“Shut up and sit still. Physician’s orders.”

 

“But… oh. O-ooh!”

 

He’s really going balls to the walls now. He looks like wolf that’s been starved for 3 days, because there’s not a single glimmer of hesitation in his eyes as he laps his tongue at your red-drenched folds. I mean, you were just planning on going home and crying while masturbating furiously in the shower, but you’ll settle for this alternative in a heartbeat.

 

“You taste…” _Lap, lap,_ “so fucking good.” His nails are digging into your thighs as he tears your vulva apart, but you’re not one to complain. Hell, you’ve never had anyone eat you out with so much gusto.

 

And he’s not kidding when he says he’s good at this therapy business, because you’re suddenly grabbing onto his ears for your dear life. Remember that ridiculously long tongue we’ve talked about? He’s definitely not a beginner with it, because once he’s done lapping all the red from the outside, he begins tongue-fucking you into oblivion. Sure, he may lack the opposable thumbs to undo your buttons, but he’s no amateur to your button on the inside. This is the sort of reach you can’t find with a human.

 

He curls his tongue against that sensitive bundle of nerves inside you and - jackpot. Your hands splay against his dog.. bed… thing… trying to find anything to grab on - _anything at this point -_ because the way he’s relentlessly pumping his tongue in and out has you moaning and seeing stars.

 

“Doggo - ohh shit _don’t stop_ \- aaahh!”

 

Huh. Isn’t this going to get all over his dog… bed… couch… thing? No fucks given here, because clearly, hygiene is not one of his priorities. A few more licks at the sweet spot, and you can’t help but throw your head back as your whole body tenses, trembling with your toes curling, walls contracting around the length of his tongue, milking it for what it’s worth. He groans, thrusting his tongue a few more times to prolong your peak.

 

A few more waves of pleasure undulate through your being until you’re done. You huff in satisfaction. You didn't know what you were getting into at first, but you can definitely high five yourself.

 

He chuckles as he finally retracts his tongue from your exhausted body, leaving you feeling empty.

 

“Ahh… shit that was… really, really good - OH MY GOD?”

 

You back up immediately when you look up and see Doggo. His face is covered in your blood. It takes you a moment to recall the name of the victim, and you can’t stop laughing now.

 

“What the fuck, man! You look like you just ate a dead animal.”

 

He casually licks your mix of arousal and blood off his jowls and grins. “Well that’s not a flattering way to describe yourself.”

 

You reach over and squish his face, once again melting at the way his puppy eyes look into yours. “Who’s a good boy?” you coo in a disgustingly sweet tone. Doggo’s ears perk up, looking at you expectantly for approval. You feel his tail fanning your legs again.

 

“Look at you, cutie. Good boys deserve to be rewarded, yes?”

 

Tail! Wagging! Intensifies!

 

You switch positions with him, this time forcing him to lay on his back. You straddle his hips and roll the hem of his uniform over his head. And.. well, you definitely weren’t expecting him to have abs, but now that you can see the muscles bulging from his pectorals and abdomen, your arousal is back like it never left.

 

He’d probably enjoy a belly rub, right? You reach over and stroke him, definitely testing out the give of his muscles under the guise of a belly rub, but he doesn’t seem to mind or even notice at all. He’s so excited that he can barely control the rate of his tail wagging. He’s so adorable. You want to fuck the adorableness out of him. He looks like he’s in heaven right now.

 

“Be a good boy and let me take care of you too, okay?”

 

With one swift motion, he’s managed to wiggle his trousers off his legs, sporting that still-erect cock from before. You get to work again, palming his shaft in one hand while running your fingers over his belly with the other. His eyes roll back behind his closed lids, panting as you continue to stroke him off. His leg starts shaking to your ministrations, delighted at whatever he’s done to deserve all this special treatment, because yes, he's been a _good boy._

 

And fuck, you’re so wet once again that you can’t wait any longer. You lift your pelvis and angle it over his dripping cock, and you slide right onto him in one swift motion and start grinding your hips over his.

 

“Woah!” he yelps. His lids fly open in surprise. He makes no motion to push you off, so you continue bouncing on his cock.

 

“Sorry, puppy. Did that hurt you?”

 

“No way. I just - _hnn-_ wasn’t expecting this kitten to - haa, f-fuck --”

 

This is cute. You're going to ride him till he's seeing stars too. He's watching you bounce up and down, and he's a panting mess, mesmerized by the way your breasts jiggle with each thrust of your hips.

 

“You're… - _haa_ \- so beautiful, kitten…”

 

Any semblance of control you thought you originally had suddenly disappears. There's a flicker in his eyes as he switches from a passive puppy to feral.

 

He grabs your shoulder and pulls you down onto his chest, then motions for you to raise your hips. You comply, and he begins fucking you from below. Shit! You can barely contain yourself at this point, grasping at his fur so tightly that you  inadvertently pull some of it out. He grins, seeing the effect he's having on you.

 

He makes a habit out of slowly dragging away his cock, until he’s almost out, before he slams it all the way back in, arousal soaked furry balls slapping your ass each time. Your blood and liquid arousal gush out in torrents, coating both you and him with each well timed thrust of his hips. He’s got you mewling every time he hits your cervix, and the way he’s running his wet tongue along your neck once again is doing nothing to hold back the moans that grow louder with each beat.

 

“Puppy…” you pant, digging your nails into his fur, “I’m already so - ahhh - fuck!”

 

Your whole body shudders as that winding coil in your core is released. You were already sensitive from the first time, and it doesn't take long before you're coming again. You know he’s close as well, and the way your orgasm is pulsing over his cock is tipping him over the edge too. One more well-timed roll of his hips, hilting you in the process, and you feel his cock swell and coat your insides with his cum.

 

“Fu- fuck, kitten!”

 

You feel yourself pulse around him a few more times while listening to him pant in your ears. You lay on him, exhausted and replete, and he’s not in any better condition.

 

There's so much cum that it's overflowing, dripping out past your walls in waves. A few seconds pass and you realize he’s still cumming.

 

Uh.

 

Shit, how long does this last for dogs?

 

Not that you don’t mind staying like this a bit longer, but you’re starting to get a bit jealous with how long this goes on for him.

 

“Uh. Doggo?”

 

“ _Hnn_ \- y-yeah, kitten...?”

 

“Um. Are you done?”

 

Your pussy is dripping with body fluids, most of which seem to be from him at this point.

 

“Haaa… n-no -- _fffffsss_ \-- not yet…”

 

“I mean. Do you always cum for this long?”

 

“Heh… only if - _haaah_ \- Only when I’m with s..someone else…”

 

Oh my god. How long is this supposed to go on for him?

 

He looks like he’s about ready to pass out on you, and as much as you love pillow talk and snuggling, this is definitely on the weird spectrum.

 

… Well, that's it. You can only be expected to wait for so long. You hoist yourself off his chest and attempt to slide off, only to find that you’re stuck to him where you’re connected. Any tugging only causes you pain. The base of his shaft is now a swollen bulb, effectively pinning you to his cock.

 

What the fuck!

 

“Did you just… did you just knot in me?!”

 

“Uhh… _ssss_ \-- _ahh_ \- m-maybe…?” He's still too busy cumming to form words properly.

 

“Dude! This is something you’re supposed to mention beforehand, you know?”

 

“Y-yeah, my bad.” He doesn't look sorry at all.

 

“How long is this supposed to last? I’m actually stuck right now?”

 

“Dunno. Maybe half an hour? An hour?”

 

What the actual fuck.

 

“And you didn’t think to like, you know, maybe pull out before you came?!”

 

“N-no… Didn’t think about that.”

 

“Oh my fucking god.”

 

And the worst part is, you knew this was a bad idea going in. Well, shit. What are you supposed to do to kill the time? You’re literally attached to a stranger by your hips. A stranger whose face is also covered in blood. _Your blood,_ but still blood nonetheless.

 

“What are we supposed to do now?”

 

“Hah… fuck - I usually just go to sleep during this part…”

 

“But we’re both disgusting and covered in blood and cum? Can we at least go clean up in the bathroom or something?”

 

“... _Hnnnngh_ \- okay okay.”

 

You clutch at his shoulders and wrap your legs around his hips as he gets up. It takes a few tries before he could get on his feet, which is an impressive feat considering his state of exhaustion plus your extra weight. Poor pupper looks like he’s going to pass out as he stumbles to the bathroom. He plops unceremoniously into the bathtub with you still straddling his pelvis. Okay, this is some progress at least? You run the tap until it’s at a suitably warm temperature before you set the stream to the detachable shower head. At least you can wash all that unnecessary excess body fluid connecting you two. You spray the water at your crotch and wash away the blood and cum, even though some more threatens to spill out, but you can deal with that later. Turning back to Doggo, you splash some water onto his face, which only elicits a momentary response before he’s out.

 

Fuck. Did this guy actually just pass out in the bath tub?

 

“Doggo!” you yell, spraying his face with more water.

 

He snorts and paws the shower head away before he resumes with the snoring. You turn off the tap and all you get is the smell of wet dog. You smack him a few more times in the face and - nope, no bueno. Maybe you can just leave him here by yourself?

 

Haha, just kidding! You’re still tied to his crotch.

 

“Doggo! Wake up!” you plead again.

 

More snoring and wet dog smell.

 

You slap him in the face.

 

… No response.

 

…

  


You knew this was a bad idea going in. But you done goofed and did it anyway.

 

…

 

God dammit.

 

You're going to strangle your friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Shitty bonus art](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com/image/151198054273)
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> Up next... the ShittyDinner writer trio.
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> Scream at me on my tumblr: bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com


	2. PET? PAT? POT? - BitterSweetDeath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slides in*
> 
> ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
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> Up to bat: Grillby/Reader
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> Written by OllyOllyOxenFree
> 
> Summary: It seems like your friend has gotten some pretty decent luck on Tinder meeting monsters oh-so-ready and willing to do some dirty deeds. Maybe it’s time to take a few notes and spice up your own sex life.
> 
> Smut Tags: Sexting, oral sex, light bondage, multiple orgasms, morning sex
> 
> Enjoy >;3

Grillby looks up from behind the counter, the rag squeaking against the already thrice-polished glass in his glowing hand. The light refracts vibrant and bright through the thick material, dancing even more when the door opens. A chilly breeze steals its way inside with the customer. His flames love the attention of the wind, flickering, at its mercy in the afternoon light that streams through the stained glass windows of his bar. His chest rises and falls deeply as he soaks up the sought-after sun, that heat that is his life. He doesn’t get much of it at work, especially on days like this, where the patron flow is always in flux. He’s been in the business quite a while, but he still finds it hard to predict at times. And that unpredictability makes it hard to reconcile his work life with his personal life too. So, in the end, he’s just come to terms with marrying the two. Grillby’s is Grillby. He pushes his glasses back up to his face with a sharp, crackling sigh. He’s going to have to get new ones soon. Some drunk ass decided to knock them off of his face as he broke up a fight the other night. The door creaks wide again and his white, luminous eyes flick up. He huffs out a steaming chuckle. Here he comes. The usual.

Sans.

The stocky skeleton ambles up to the counter, hopping onto a stool. He looks more chipper today, that’s for sure. Grillby wonders what’s got him so happy.

“heya grillbz. what’s cookin’ good lookin’?” Sans drawls.

“You’re never gonna guess,” Grillby retorts with a smirk, flames hissing.

Sans grabs the front of his hoodie, face drawn in mock shock. “don’t tell me you’re goin’ vegetarian? i live for your meat, grillby!”

Grillby’s flames spit as he laughs, a short, crinkling bark. He goes back to polishing the glass. “Well it looks like you have something juicy to share. So do tell.”

The lights that stand as Sans’ eyes brighten, reflecting Grillby’s flames in looks and passionate excitement. He leans forward, taking out his phone as he goes. His hand waves and urges Grillby closer. He humors the comic skeleton, placing his elbows on the stained wooden counter.

“ok, bear with me here, g. how’s your love life?”

Grillby’s eyebrows raise in mild shock, but he chuckles, giving Sans the benefit of the doubt for now. “Dunno, you tell me.”

“probably burnin’ the candle at boths ends, huh?” Sans suggests with a wink, earning a large roll of the eyes from Grillby. He takes Grillby’s silence as a yes. He holds out his hands, as if gesturing a great idea. “well, what if i said you could have all of the fun and none of the strings? the fire but none of the ash, the meal but not the check, tell me when to stop ‘cause i gotta million of these.”

Grillby laughs, saying, “Alright, alright, I’ll bite. Just spit it out.”

Sans chuckles. “ok, so there’s this app ya can get on your phone where you can meet people and just have a good time. a  _ good time _ .” He waggles his brow suggestively.

Grillby gets the gist. He just wonders if there’s a catch. Sounds a bit too good to be true. “How’s it work?”

“gimme your phone, i’ll show ya,” Sans says, holding out his hand. Grillby forks over his phone and watches Sans as he downloads the program and set up his initial, bare-bones account. “now i’d take sexy photos of ya, but just choose whatever ya want,” Sans says, laughing. Grillby snatches his phone back before Sans can look through his pictures, glowering at Sans with a wry grin. Sans just blows a kiss his way. “but make sure they’re spicy, show off ‘em them flames, gotta look  _ hot _ .”

“Hotter than you,” Grillby says, scrolling through his pictures. Sans laughs, long and loud at that one. “Ok, so what next?”

“if ya see someone ya like, swipe right, if not, swipe left. it’ll tell ya if ya match. and then ya chat, whatever, wham, bam, thank ya ma’am.”

Grillby nods, cocking a flaming eyebrow at the smug skeleton. “Guessing you got lucky, huh?”

“eeeyup,” he says, eyes glazing over in fond memory.

Grillby hums and it’s more of a whirring flicker that fans his flames. “Thanks. I’ll check it out.” The idea seems promising enough. His eyes glance at Sans over the rim of his sliding glasses. If Sans got lucky, then, shit, he better get  _ something _ . It’ll be nice to just have casual fun for once. No commitment, no strings, all benefit. It’s probably why he’s been on the out and out lately; he’s had no time. But…he’ll at least have nights for this.

~~~~~~~

You trust-fall onto your extended sofa, back-first, with a laughing sigh, turning the TV on as you go. The soft blues and bright whites illuminate your living room, animated voices echoing out into the semi-dark. Another night in. Go figure. Goose has been busy as of late with that Sans guy, which leaves you by your onesy most nights nowadays. You’re more the one with a few close friends rather than a lot of acquaintances and that suits you fine. You have movies, books, drawing,  and shows to occupy your time anyway. But…even that can get old after a while. Especially a  _ long _ while. You’re glad Goose having fun though. After the shit they’ve been through with their sorry excuses for relationships, they deserve it. Your body can only agree with that sentiment. It’s been a while that’s for sure. You’d think a city would have decent choices for dating, but the joke’s on you, that’s not exactly been the case, you think in near bitter frustration. You agree with Goose.

You want something different.

It’s always been date, date, date. Date for your future. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. You want to branch out. This is the 21 st -goddamn-century for chrissake’s. You want to explore, see what’s out there, see what you can  _ do _ . In many more ways than one. And that’s why you took Goose’s advice as you thumb through your phone. Swipe…swipe…swipe. You’re not exactly sure  _ what _ you’re doing, though you do hope it’ll end up being somebody. However, that you’re in the thick of it is exciting in and of itself. That you’re putting yourself out there, and with surprising results. You’ve found more matches than you thought you would, which is always uplifting in a sense. Even if nothing comes of it, at least you were superficially desirable, you think with a wry roll of your eyes. And honestly, what’s cooler than seeing monsters on here. You’d never really given it much thought, though you were extremely enthusiastic of their inclusion into society. It’s refreshing to see love spread around instead of hate. And, by the looks of it, some are ready for some love too. Or lust. Guess they’re not picky.

Neither are you.

You swipe again.

Oh.

You look through his pictures.

OH.

Yeah, he’s hot. Like, literally and figuratively. He’s _on_ _fire_. A monster made of fire. That is the extent of your knowledge. Also, that he has great arms. And wears glasses. You don’t think he could _be_ hotter. True fact.

“I wouldn’t mind being carried by those arms,” you mutter into your blanket, sputtering into laughter.  _ Amongst other things _ , is what you don’t say, but are  _ so _ thinking. You wonder if his hands are hot, your lips grinning wickedly against the soft material.  _ Or something a bit lower, too _ . Just the image in your head is enough to get you interested. You swipe right, hoping for that sweet ding that signals a match. Much to your chagrin, no ding.

“Bah,” you say, disappointed, but holding out a small bit of hope it might in the future. You continue swiping. Ooh, there’s a big buff wolf guy that looks fun and also able to pick you up. And another…goat monster? Game on, you shrug. It’s getting late and your eyelids start drooping closed, the comfort and heat of your blanket and the muted voices of the TV lulling you into secure slumber. Until you hear a chime. You purse your lips, blinking as you stare at your phone. They widen. Looks like fireman, uhhh, Grillby is a match.

And he texted you already.

Shit, son, the game really  _ is _ on.

**Hey.**

Ok. Short and sweet. To the point. You get it.

**Hi. How’s it going?**

**It’s alright. Just got off work.**

**Oh yeah? What’s work for ya?**

Wow, good job, Maverick. Sound more like a fucking fool. You throw a hand over your face, dreading the way this conversation is going to go. You’re the smoothest, said no one ever.

**I work at a bar.**

**Ooh, bad hours I hear.**

**Not bad if I get to talk to you.**

A pause.

**Or see you.**

Your jaw drops off your chest and straight to the floor.

You don’t know it, but several miles away, a monster made of fire is yelling, red-faced, into his hands, “What the fuck am I  _ doing _ ?”

“Woah,” you whisper. You don’t know why you liked it…but you did.  _ That _ much you can tell. You’ll throw him a bone. He’s trying at least and that’s admirable.

**Well you just might since you’re such a charmer.**

Now it’s your turn to pause.

**And so hot, too.**

And your turn to scream. “Fuck a duck,” you grumble into your blanket, covering your blushing face.

Several miles away, a red face grows redder, a body hotter.

**So, I don’t know how to sound not foolish over text.**

**Would you like to meet in person?**

You bite your lip, nodding as if he could see you.

**Hell yeah, I’m down** .

His next texts come in quick succession now.

**Tomorrow too soon? It’d be late too because of work.**

**If another time works better, then that works too.**

**Fuck me, I sound like an idiot.**

You burst into laughter. God, this guy is really endearing.

**Tomorrow sounds great, don’t worry :)**

And just to set his mind at ease.

**For the record, you don’t sound like an idiot, but I’d still fuck you.**

You laugh, can’t help the swift flush of red spilling across your face. You can sure as hell flirt over text; let’s see how it goes in person. Is this really flirting though if it’s not ambiguous in the slightest? You stare with your lips pursed at the ceiling for a long moment, deciding.

“Eh, fuck it,” you say. Another chime.

**You make it hard to leave off from that.**

**I hope I do make it hard.**

You place your hands together, palms facing each other, hoping he gets this. If he does, he’s a keeper.

**I can assure you, you do.**

You bite your lip. Do you dare? Your body pushes your mind off the cliff. Yeah. You dare.

**How hard we talkin’?**

**Pretty fucking hard.**

You exhale a low, hot breath, an ache making a delightful home between your thighs.

**I like the sound of that.**

**What else do you like?**

**I’d like to get a taste.**

**Keep going.**

You rub your thighs together, the throbbing becoming more insistent. Needy. 

**Undress**

**Get on my knees**

**Give you a little kiss**

**Then blow you away**

**Like the sound of that?**

**Fuck yes**

A victorious smirk crosses your hot face.

**Are you touching yourself?**

**Yes**

You twitch and a tiny, excited laugh escapes your smiling lips.

**Good. Cuz after that I’m gonna ride you**

**Hard**

His next text surprises you. You thought you had him on the ropes. But  _ god _ you are not complaining as your hand slips down to your wet sex, fingers slipping up and down over the most sensitive part of you. The contact drives you crazy. 

**Want to know what im going to do to you**

**Fuck yes please**

**Im going to take you**

**And I want to hear you**

**I want you to touch yourself**

**Already there**

**Im close**

And you are. Your hand strokes faster and you close your eyes, imagining him masturbating right now, all because of you. Imagining him on top of you. Taking you like he said. Your breaths speed up, short, desperate groans thrown into the mix. 

**Me too**

**Come for me**

You gasp, head tipping back hard, your pulse thundering as a strong orgasm razes your body to the ground, leaving you trembling in its wake. You slump into the cushions all heat and sweat, panting, taking a moment to goddamn chill.

**Fuck Grillby**

**That was hot.**

**Hell yeah it was.**

**Your place or mine?**

You hum and wipe your brow as you decide, weighing your comfort and your options.

**Yours. You’ll just be getting off work.**

**It’s nice to be at home after work.**

**Don’t want you too tired either ;)**

“You are the worst,” you mutter with a stupid grin on your face.

**Fucking sexy and thoughtful.**

**I’ll make sure to thank you properly tomorrow.**

You flex your leaden legs and body in excitement, the compliment and the thrill of the chase skyrocketing your already thumping heart.

**I’m looking forward to it, Grillby.**

**Me too. See you tomorrow, ___.**

**See ya.**

It couldn’t have ended neater if Santa had fucking wrapped it up himself. You get up from your couch, throwing a one person dance party. This needs to be shared with Goose immediately, no delay or your nickname isn’t Maverick. You’re still buzzing as you run off to your bedroom.

~~~~~~~

“Good to know you’re in one, sexually-satisfied piece.”

Goose cackles through the phone, “Well, I feel like I was almost split in half.  _ God _ , it was great. Monsters more often, please.” You snort and laugh as you get ready, sorting through your clothes. You don’t want to overdo it, and it’s not like you’re trying to impress. The clothes aren’t going to last long anyway, not with what you have in mind. A hilarious thought barrels its way through your mind as Goose chatters.

“Did he take off his skull?!” you yell into your phone, broad smile lifting your lips and heart.

“Oh my god, nooo. But I feel like I wouldn’t have even fucking cared if he did at that point,” they laugh uproariously. You join them, feeling absurdly excited about it all.

“Speaking of which, when are you meeting hotman?”

“In a few hours.”

“Damn that’s late. The hell is he doin’?”

You chuckle. “He works at a bar, so he gets off late. But he  _ is _ hot isn’t he? I hope his dick is on fire. That would be just mm-mm good. Especially now that I know he has one. Or something at least.”

Goose gasps, shouting, “The fuck does that mean?! Share or so help me….”

You laugh, fighting the blush at the memory of last night. “We may or may not have already sexted.”

You hear a clatter, a short curse, then a hilarious amalgamation of clapping and whooping. “You made me fucking spill my drink, I’m so proud of you.”

“It was definitely hot,” you snicker. “But hey, ya got my back on this one, should I need to be rescued?”

“Nah,” Goose teases, mirth in their voice.

“Your mouth says no, but your undying love for me says yes, so thanks sweetie,” you reply, not missing a beat. You pick out a nice button down flannel to go with your jeans and boots, throwing it onto your bed.

“You know it. Send me all the info.”

“So like…how prepared do I need to be? Protection? The whole nine yards?” you ask, circling around your room.

“Nope, just ask if he’s clean and that’s about it. You know the drill. Monster-human pregnancy ain’t a thing.”

“Thank fuck. I cannot handle children,” you sigh, relieved. Goose laughs long and loud on the line.

“Aww, don’t ya wanna feel it all squirmin’ inside ya?” they tease.

“EW, if you don’t stop, I  _ will _ hang up,” you yell into your bedroom, shuddering at the thought. 

“Fine, fine,” they laugh. “I expect you to burn the house down tonight. No excuses. Not literally though, but…oh my god, do you think it might?”

You sputter, bursting into peals of laughter. “I fucking hope not, he’s lasted this long right?” you say, shaking your head and flopping down on the bed, placing the phone on your chest. Now that you’ve got your outfit picked out, all you need to do is shower and play the waiting game. You’d asked him earlier his address, so you’d say you’re fairly square right now. “It’s about time this happened,” you say, stretching into your bedspread.

“You’re tellin’ me. Where has this been all our lives?”

You huff, “Apparently under our fuckin’ noses this whole time.” You roll and look at the clock. “I gotta get ready, hotstuff, it’s adventure time.”

“Ok, having fucking fun and fun fucking with  _ your _ hotstuff!”

You bark out a laugh and say your goodbye, hanging up and heading into your bathroom. Let’s do this.  

~~~~~~~~

You glance down at your phone, cold fingers fiddling with the buttons on your shirt. This has to be the place right? It has his fucking name right there in huge neon lettering. You didn’t know he  _ owned _ the bar. If you didn’t get a sense of his maturity beforehand, you sure as hell do now. But again, it fills you more with excitement rather than trepidation. You look around, wondering if you should go inside. He told you to come at this time and it kind of seems like it’s closed. Your eyes travel up to the illuminated floor above. Does he live over the bar? That’d be convenient for him.

“There’s gotta be a fuckin’ way inside for people not wanting to go to the bar…,” you murmur to yourself. Your eyes search the weathered facade. There. Off to the side. You walk over, scanning the faded and worn wooden door for a buzzer of some sort. Bit sketchier than you’re used to, but hey, if it means a fun time, that’s fine with you. You text Goose.

**Ok, I’m goin’ in. If I don’t come back, tell my wife I said I’m dead.**

**I’d say I’d miss you, but we both know the truth <3**

**Have an awesome time**

**I’ll text ya**

You snort at their response, finally finding an old intercom-looking device. A fat red button screams  **PRESS ME** . So you oblige, thumb digging in. It makes no sound so you just hope it actually worked. If not, you’ll call as a last resort. A voice sounds out, trickling through the weary speaker.

“Hello?” It’s rasping and deep, but that might just be from the machinery.

“Hi, uh, it’s ___. Is this Grillby?” You rake a hand down your face. Idiot.

A crackling, good-natured laugh shudders through the old device. It makes you smile. “Yeah, I’ll be right down.” Then silence. Your heart is leaping, so close to seeing someone you’ve definitely had many thoughts about and not-so-slyly come onto. And uh...came over. The footfalls echoing down the steps do nothing to help it either. Until finally the door opens and your mouth almost does as well.  _ Wow. _

He’s  _ way _ hotter in person.

He’s dressed casually – thank god, because you are too – with a white button down, sleeves rolled up, and dark jeans. He hangs in the doorway, a glowing ember in the cold dark. You stand there as you take each other in, just staring, both a bit dumbfounded particularly when your mind continually strays to the events of last night. He finally moves, pushing his glasses up his face and you grin wide.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hi,” he says.

You laugh, rhythmic and giddy, and you think you see him smile, the white parts of his face lifting. If you truly pay attention, it’s all there and very handsome. His voice is deep, like you heard on the intercom. But it’s also rasping and crinkles around the edges, crackling and snapping like a bonafide fire. You’re pretty blown away. You step close, meeting his gaze and extending your arms out for a hug. That always breaks the ice, right? Initiate physical contact so it’s easier later. Not that he’d need to break any ice. He accepts and returns it gladly, his arms folding to hug you tight. He’s a great hugger too. So warm, but not overwhelmingly so; not enough to hurt. And god, he smells like a campfire and burning wood, stirring something inside you, in your chest and center, twisting you delightfully.

“Nice to meet you finally,” you say with a crooked smile.

“Same,” he echoes with a chuckle. “Come on up.” He leads the way up the winding stairs and you follow, eyes taking it in. It’s not much to write home about yet. That is until you get to a much nicer, crimson door. He opens it for you, saying, “Welcome.” You enter and slow, turning about in a circle. Grillby watches with his hands in his pockets, amused. It’s nice. Very nice. Newer furniture, clean, well-decorated. Tasteful and not overdone. You think about the state of your apartment, cringing. You’re glad you suggested here.

He asks, “Like it?”

“I do. It’s pretty great. Good location too,” you say with a smirk, eyes trailing down to the floor.

He laughs, “Yeah, pretty convenient.” He steps next to you, holding up his hand to his mouth, whispering conspiratorially, “It lets me sleep in.” 

You snicker, saying, “Smart, smart man. You had me at sleep.” He chuckles with you, straightening his tall – and toned – body. His hand lays on your shoulder and a shiver forces a sigh from you.

“Can I take your coat?” he asks, smile lighting up his face.

A grins spreads across your face when you nod. He helps you shrug it off, blazing fingers brushing your arms. “Thanks,” you say, warm despite the cold outside. He gestures to the comfortable-looking navy blue couch as he hands up your jacket.

“Make yourself at home. Want anything to drink?”

“Sure, what do ya got?”

“Uh, water, wine, beer, the works. I own a bar, remember?” he says with a wink. You laugh, pointing accusingly.

“To be fair, you said you worked at one, not that you owned it. Which is pretty cool by the way,” you say, smiling. “I’ll just take a beer, any is fine.”

“You got it,” he says, walking over to the fridge. You circle around, settling into the thick cushions.  _ Very _ comfortable. Your intuition was right. Don’t let it fail the rest of the night, you pray.

You raise your voice, asking, “How long have you owned the bar?”

“A long time. Even when we were underground.”

“Wow,” you say as Grillby walks back over with two beers in his hands. “Has it been difficult adjusting? I hope not.”

“There’s assholes everywhere you go, but it hasn’t been bad. There’s been very welcoming people around here. Including yourself,” he says, grinning and offering you a bottle.

“That’s good to hear. Thank you,” you say as you toast his, the glass tinkling.

“Of course,” he says, the both of you taking a refreshing sip. Your lips quirk when you hear a sizzle.

You turn towards him and fold one of your legs underneath you, the other propping up your arm. You look at his hands. They’re…cooler looking, a soft blue hue to the orange and red flames that make them up. You tap your lips with the rim as you ask, “So does the cold…hurt your hands? Also,  _ please  _ tell me if I ask stupid questions.” He smiles and, inside, you’re glad he feels ok with your curiosity so far.

“Don’t worry, you’re good. But, for this stuff, nah, not really.” He looks down at his hands. “It’s weird, to say the least, but not uncomfortable. Now rain? That’s a different story.”

Your brow furrows. “Yeah I bet.” But it smoothes when you have an idea, your inquisitiveness and flirty side taking over. You take another courageous swig of your beer. It burns hot in your belly. “Could I see, please?” you ask, holding your hand out, smiling calmly. He returns your smile as he nods. You think his flames grow more alive, orange giving way to dazzling red and white. He pushes up his glasses again before placing his warm hand in yours. Your thumb rubs into the top, pushing and pulling the flames there. Holy shit, they’re honest-to-goodness flames. But solid, like pure energy. Magnetic in a way. “Can you change your temperature?”

“Yeah,” he rasps. “Hotter, no problem. Cooler, bit more difficult.” You bite your lip as you nod, wanting to ask, but not sure if you’re going too far. He solves your dilemma for you. “Do you want to see?” he asks, sibilant voice quieter.

“Kinda,” you say with a guilty smile. He laughs, strong fingers tightening around your own.

“Tell me when it gets too hot.” You nod and watch as his flames increase, licking and wrapping around your hand, enveloping it, warming it up and up and up until it is securely in the realm of hot. The fire dances and you’re entranced. It’s hypnotic, but it’s becoming too much. You pull your hand back, the skin redder than usual, though not burned. He stares at you hard, probably concerned if you’re ok. You reassure him with a grin.

“That’s awesome. You really  _ are _ hot,” you tease, sipping again.

“Was there ever a doubt?” he shoots right back.

You laugh. “Nope. Especially after last night,” you add. He flares a bright crimson that makes you grin. A few more sips and you’ve hit bottom, tilting it back. Grillby does the same, the liquid hissing a bit as it hits his mouth. Amazing. He clears his throat with a puff of smoke that catches your attention.

“So, I said I’d thank you properly, last night.”

The heat you’d been feeling since yesterday explodes now inside you, your heart thudding against your ribs. “Yeah, you did,” you breathe out.

“Well…let me show you my thanks.” He takes both bottles and sets them forgotten on the coffee table. You bite your bottom lip, teasing it and you see his eyes flick down behind his glasses. You’re in trouble, that’s for sure. But you’re confident in your body and experience. You’re definitely going to give him a run for his money. He moves near, his flickering hand coming up to your face. It lays hot and heavy on your cheek, fingers sliding past your temple to tangle tightly in your hair. You half-gasp, half-laugh, breathless, your nerves singing and zinging with pent up energy. He smirks, just as confident. He’s close now, your faces nearly touching. He’s almost overwhelming, smoke and spice and  _ heat _ . And then he kisses you, his lips laying on yours, at first soft and cautious. Tasting you, savoring you like a fine wine he’s let breathe. But when all that breath is gone, leaving your lungs to pass over his mouth in a bold rush, is when he kisses you hard and fast. You meet him inch-for-inch, breath-for-breath, lips sliding over his fiery mouth, pushing against him. You’d been  _ needing _ this ever since last night. He’s burning you from the inside out and you just want him to take you, fuck you senseless, like he said he would. Your arms fly up to wrap around his shoulders and you sit upright, throwing your legs to straddle his lap. A hard length presses up against your pelvis and you almost scream your thanks. Fiery cock, here you come.

He groans when you move your hips, muttering, “Told you you were makin’ it hard.”

You laugh, licking his lips. He bites your own. “I could make a hundred too-hot jokes, but I’m a bit preoccupied by how I want to ride you.” It’s his turn to laugh now, partly growling as he does so. His hands slide down your back, until they lift up your shirt over your head. He throws it away, attacking your mouth again.

“Are you—” you tilt your head, biting his bottom lip “—clean?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Don’t worry.” He presses his hot fingers to your belly, the muscles twitching and tickling from the heat. You nod, sliding your tongue along his. “Are you?” he repeats your own question.

“Yeah,” you respond.

His hands grip your sides before his arms rest underneath your thighs, standing and lifting you with a grunt. You giggle in excitement. He’s fucking carrying you, and you marvel at his arms, the flames rippling. Fuck, you just want him right now, you think, crossing your legs behind his back. You bend your head, trailing your kisses down his face to his neck, where you lick and nip at the flames of his body. His arms tighten and he walks to what you guess is his bedroom off the side of the living room. You’re not paying that much attention. He drops as soon as he gets to the bed, and you land with a gasp on the soft covers. He hovers over you, hands exploring your stomach and chest as he takes your lips for his own. Your own hands make quick work of the buttons of his shirt and when it opens fully, your fingers waste no time in laying across the hot planes of his chest. They drag up and down, making shifting, crackling sounds as you do. His flames are a constant rush, molten, stirring the air between him and you. It’s exhilarating to say the least. You hope Goose is having as good a time as you are.

He shrugs off his shirt, hands dropping to tug off your pants. You do the same with his, all clothes ending up in a happily discarded heap on the floor. He illuminates the otherwise dark room, staring down at you while you stare up at him, eyes wide and grin wider.

“Wow,” you mutter. His flames grow in size and heat as your hands trail down his naked hips, that delicious V cutting down to your goal. There it is waiting, standing at attention.

_ Dear lord, it’s a flaming boner _ , you think wickedly.

Your hand strokes him, eager and wanting. He inhales sharply, a rushing hiss of breath. It sort of feels like the rest of him; but harder, with an almost ethereal kind of give. His body is humming with life and what you guess to be magic. Goose was always the one who knew more about that than you. Whatever it is, is amazing. Your mouth waters, wondering how he tastes. And so you take it upon yourself to find out, licking from the base all the way to the tip. Just like his lips, all spice and smoke and heat. He lets out a sibilant moan, flames dancing. When you wrap your lips around the head is when his hand grips your hair, holding on tightly.

“Shit, ___…,” Grillby breathes. “Been wanting that ever since yesterday.”

Your mouth lifts into a smirk as you place long kisses on the tip of his cock, licking the underside after every one. His hips jerk, insistent, and you take pity. You bob back and forth, tongue swirling, taking him all in. His moans grow louder with every pass and you begin to ache with the sound, becoming wetter. You fucking love making them come undone beneath you, knowing you’re the reason they need and want and desire and lust. It’s incredibly empowering, and incredibly erotic. He begins to twitch and you know he’s close. But he surprises you by pulling back. You let him go with a lewd pop, licking your lips as your questioning eyes meet his burning ones.

“Got plenty of time for that,” he growls. “I want you  _ now _ .” Your chest heaves, the way his rough voice demands leaving you gasping. A spear of heat stabs straight into your sex, destroying any resolve you might have had. He takes off his glasses and tosses them without another thought onto his dresser. You laugh and lean back on your arms, legs rubbing together for any kind of friction. He says with a smirk, “Fucking need new ones anyway.” He stalks toward you, crawling overtop as you slide back on his bed. He keeps your gaze the whole time; as he grabs your legs, hooking them over his hips, as his cock slides teasingly deliberate along your entrance, and even as he enters you in one swift move. You yell in lust and pleasure, throwing your head back, sweat-soaked hair streaming across the pillows. Your hands splay along his broad back, feeling the flames twist in your grip, like your muscles do around him.  _ Finally _ .

“F-fuck! Oh my god, Grillby…fuck me, that’s—ohh…,” you moan out in delighted shock.

He groans out a crackling laugh. He thrusts once. You let out an embarrassing yelp of satisfaction. “How’s that? You never finished your sentence,” he asks, ending in a broken grunt as he thrusts again. You smile, closing your eyes, enjoying the stimulation and the overabundance of feeling.

“Fucking—fantastic. But faster… _ please _ ,” you say in between pants. He chuckles and glows brighter, obeying, because you can tell he  _ needs _ it as much as you do.

He’s hot, you’re so hot inside and it only grows as he moves, pounding into you, stroking your trembling muscles. At first slow and then faster, picking up the pace. He licks and kisses your neck, leaving long trails of glittering heat across your throat, down to your chest. You moan, low and rough when he bites your nipple, just so fucking happy you’re getting a good fuck after so long. All fun, all pleasure. None of the bullshit. You tilt your hips upward, meeting his own as he thrusts and his utterances start falling in line with your own, growing louder in the bedroom. His hips thrust fast and deep now. His head bows, hand fisting in your hair, his other around your waist to support you. Your arms encircle his torso, holding on for dear life. All you can hear are his short hisses and crackling groans in your ear, all you can see is the glare of his flames behind your eyelids, and all you can feel is him. His heat seeps into every one of your muscles, lighting you up. Fueling you, until, with a couple more punishing strokes, you burst. Your toes curl, a wave of exquisite pleasure and heat traveling and spreading throughout your body, making you shudder, lighting every part of you aflame. It cauterizes your mind, wiping it clean.

He feels you constrict and moan, loud and long against him, shivering from head to toe. You clench around him and it sends him reeling headlong into his own orgasm. He pushes one last time into you, a similar wave of crippling heat passes through him and echoes out along your own body, urging another smaller ripple from you. His cock drives farther into you, his cum hot and tingling inside. You moan, gasping from the sensations, thighs tightening around his hips. Your legs unfurl in languid bliss, your calves rubbing down the length of his fiery legs, back arching to press your entire body into his. He groans, thrusting slowly and kissing you just as lazily but no less deep, his solid-but-not-solid tongue sliding along yours. He lays on top of you for a long while, exploring your mouth, hands caressing your sweating body as yours do the same to his. His flames die down the slightest bit, returning from fierce reds and whites to a soft orange glow. He finally eases off you, rolling onto his back with a content sigh. You breathe heavily beside him, stunned and exhausted.

“Wow,” you say, out-of-breath.

“Tell me about it,” he pants.

“Do this often?” you ask turning your head to look at him.

He looks over at you, smiling wryly. “Not often enough. You?”

“Same. Been a while. Just wanted something fun and casual for once, you know?”

“Right there with ya,” he laughs. “Ever been with a monster before?” he asks now, curious.

“Nope. You’ve popped my monster cherry.” His flames snap and pop from his loud bark of laughter. You join him, wheezing. “Been with a human?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Beat you,” he teases, licking a finger and marking a point in the air. You laugh, throwing a pillow on his face, fanning his flames.

“Fuck off,” you shoot back with a wide grin and loud laugh. He laughs with you, abdomen tensing. Man, he’s fucking toned. You could wash clothes on those abs. Your hand reaches over to massage the would-be muscles there. His body twitches underneath you.

“I’d rather fuck you, I think,” he says, chuckling again, removing the pillow from his face.

“Well, you certainly did that,” you sigh as you stretch your body, raising your arms over your head, squirming in the sheets. And then suddenly he’s over you, thighs trapping yours, hands gripping your wrists, a solid smirk lifting his gleaming face. You gasp, your heart dropping out from your chest, and lust straight to your pelvis.

“I wouldn’t mind doing it again,” he says, voice grating and smoky.

“I wouldn’t mind either,” you mutter. Your arousal picks back up tenfold. He lets go and drags his hands along your chest and sides as he scoots down. He bends, his hot tongue trailing down your stomach until he’s lying with his head right at the apex of your thighs. His boiling flames lick at your skin and that alone seems enough to kick your mind and heart and adrenaline into high gear. That is, until that same tongue licks a long, amazing line on your center. Your gasp bottoms out into a rough moan, legs having a hard time deciding whether to close or open wider. They settle for wider, allowing Grillby full reign of your sex. Your hand strays to his head, fingers pushing and pulling apart the tongues of flame that dance there. They crackle under your grip and you feel more than hear him hum against you. That makes you moan even louder, mouth gaping in desire and excitement. You roll your skull back into the pillows, your hips moving faster, the straining coil in the pit of your belly desperate for release. Grillby’s hand takes one of your thighs, lifting to place it over his shoulder, while he pushes your other down into the mattress. The new angle is incredible and you feel the whole of his mouth on you.

“Grillby…. Oh, fuck! Ahh—right there…. I’m s-so close….,” you whimper.

He responds by grasping harder, drawing you to him, his own groans mixing with yours. Your hips shudder and his fingers rub your trembling abdomen before joining his mouth. With that, you lose it, shaking and tensing into the sheets, a solid, high moan on your lips. He continues to lick you, winding down and drawing out your orgasm as long as he can. He finally releases your leaden body, crawling back up to hover over you. His luminous face is so smug. You laugh as you roll your eyes. But you take his hand, and his brows raise in surprise. They shoot higher when you lick his finger, and mark another point in the air for him. He bursts into scratching laughter.

“Guess I gotta catch up, huh?” you ask, a crooked smile tilting your lips.

“Yep,” he agrees, bending to pull apart that smile with his teeth.

You kiss him hard and then throw yourself to tip him, rolling him onto his back with you straddling his hips. He’s rock hard against you and it takes a fucking miracle not to ride him right now. But you have plans. “Well, let me catch up then.” He grins and you draw a line down his chest with your finger. He’s been amazing so far, his stamina better than most of the guys you’ve been with. Before you go any farther though, you want to know what he’s comfortable with. You ask, “What are your no-go’s, Grillby?”

He hums, intrigued by what you might have planned. “No water, no hitting. Other than that, I’m game.”

“Agreed,” you nod, feeling a genuine thrill spread through you. “Safe word?” Realization and glee pass through you and you let out a raucous laugh. “‘Fire extinguisher’?” He grinds his dick against your sex, spitting out a crackling laugh of his own.

“Whatever works. So long as I get to see you,” he adds, husky and deliberate.

You close your eyes, fighting against your impulse to tilt your hips  _ just _ a bit more to satisfy that almost painful ache and need. “Oh, you will. Don’t worry,” you sigh. You bend and lick a soft line down his jaw. He groans, tilting his head to allow you access. “How would you feel if I tied up your wrists?”

His hands squeeze your waist, not sure if you’re serious. He looks back to you, his eyes searching yours and your earnest and honest soul for any indication to the opposite. He doesn’t find any and the opportunity you’re presenting only serves to excite him more. He nods, saying, 

“Ok.”

You grin, kissing him quickly. “You won’t be disappointed, I promise,” you say, emphasizing your point with a short thrust of your hips. His heated groan turns into a frustrated growl when you stand up, lifting yourself off of his long body. “Don’t move, or I may have to punish you,” you tease but only just, lowering your voice to command. His eyes widen and he obeys, watching you hungrily as you go into the living room. You pick up your long scarf. This’ll do for now. You don’t want to put him off. You also pick up your phone and type out a quick message to Goose.

**NOT DEAD, FUCKING GREAT**

You don’t read the texts they sent you. You’ll read them later, you have some things that need to be taken care of immediately. You throw your phone back on the couch and reenter the bedroom. Grillby hisses a sigh of relief, his flames roiling at the sight of you, naked and confidently striding over to him. The scarf unfurls and it drags lightly across his white-hot body, eddies of flame twisting in its wake. You step up with a loving smirk and straddle his hips once more. He instantly grinds into you. You allow it, needing that contact, both of your moans seeping out from your lips. His hands push down on your thighs to ride him harder, but you refuse. A discontent growl rumbles in his chest, but you only smile, removing his hands to efficiently tie his wrists together. The cloth slides easily, settling loosely about his wrists, not tight enough to hurt, not lax enough for freedom. You know your knots.

Grillby tests it, wringing his wrists, curious. You sure seem to know what you’re doing. Fuck, he wants to see everything you can do. Anything you can do to him, so that he can show you everything he can do to you. You place his arms above his head, a knowing and determined smile on your face, and that just makes it harder not to take you right then and there. He’ll play along for now. You lean back, exposing your torso, running hands up and down your chest, your nipples hard in the enticing atmosphere. You begin to move, hips shifting in ways he’s never seen before. Captivating, hypnotic, erotic. Every time you swirl, you brush up against him more and he groans with every gyration. He’s fixated on you, gaze burning holes through you. You see his hands fist into the pillows and sheets above his head, straining against the scarf, and you smirk, knowing you’ve got him this time. After several long minutes, you finally rise and ease yourself onto his cock. It slips in, filling you to the brim and he lets out a smoky moan when you do. Your breaths are ragged, but excited. His flames burn the air, his back arching between you and the bed.

“ _ Please _ ,” he nearly growls. “Let me touch you.”

Your grin is devilish. “You  _ are _ touching me,” you say. You rise up and fall back down, a shallow, teasing thrust. He grunts loudly beneath you in protest and lustful frustration. He’s about to bring his arms back up, but you bend, sweat-dappled body sliding along his. It dissipates with a fizzle from the heat of him. Your hands rub hard down his arms to his hands, holding them tight. You tease the air between your faces, breathing him in as you rock gently. Your muscles clench and pulse around him and he swivels his own hips, struggling for purchase. His scent wraps around you, stealing into your mind, clouding your thoughts with images of sweet spice and woodsmoke.

“God, you’re sexy,” he breathes. He catches your lips with his own, his flames forming around yours, stealing and biting and licking. “Fucking incredible,” he whispers. Your tongue enters his mouth, meeting his own, deepening and impassioned. Neither your body nor your mind can wait any longer. Your fingers pull free the knot and his arms immediately circle your torso, crushing you to him, the scarf long-forgotten. He thrusts up into you and you nestle your head next to his, mouth agape in a silent cry. He takes you, grinding into you roughly and you start to kiss and bite his neck in response. He only goes faster, tensing and unraveling beneath you. It doesn’t take long for both him and you to climax again, collapsing against each other, his cock throbbing inside your quivering body. You and Grillby kiss a long while, heads tilting, lips sliding, hearts and flames pounding and buzzing, before you separate and roll off. Now you’re  _ really _ exhausted, yawning and stretching your ravaged body. Grillby takes your hand, licks your finger with a tongue of flame, and marks a point in the air for you. He says with a tired chuckle, “I think you caught up.”

“Damn right,” you say with a sleepy smile. His hand rubs down your arm, turning you onto your side with your back facing him. He moves close, resting his chest to the skin of your back. He lifts himself to pull the covers up over both your bodies and you hum, hugging the warm arm across your middle. His hot breath skirts across your neck with every expansion of his chest. Your legs twine together. You mutter, “Night, Grillby,” as your eyes close.

“Night, ___,” is the last thing you hear.

~~~~~

Your eyes open to an unfamiliar room. It’s large and open. You spy with an appeased smile your clothes mixing with other shirts and pants on the floor. A hot, glowing arm resting heavy on your middle reminds you just what happened last night, along with the sweet ache in your body. Grillby’s cheek is pressed to the top of your head, his heated breath ruffling the strands. A wider smile spreads over your face, deciding this had been one of your better decisions. You yawn and stretch. His arm responds, bringing you closer and you feel all of him now, his cock growing hard against your ass. You bite your lip, feeling the familiar heat settle in your abdomen, your nipples perking from the sensation. And then his fingers drag over them, pinching and pulling and rolling. You groan and your ears catch a small chuckle, his mouth kissing your shoulder. Your own hand wraps around to his ass, squeezing with a chuckle of your own. He shows no restraint now. He lifts your thigh, hooking it over his knee and with a well-placed thrust, he’s in.

“Shit…,” you hiss into your fist as you bite your knuckle. He’s relentless, taking long, deep strokes, barely faltering as he works both of you up.

“That’s it, ___...,” Grillby mutters into your skin. “Fu—ahh—fuck,” he moans, joining your own long groans, building upon each other. He lengthens his thrusts, bringing you up then tearing you down.

“ _ Grillby _ ,” you gasp. Your head tilts back and he takes advantage, kissing up your throat to your jaw. His scalding breaths flood across your neck. The arm not holding your thigh curls underneath you, along your left. His fingers tangle themselves in yours and you squeeze, gripping onto his solidness so you don’t lose yourself. Because you are  _ so _ close. So close to the edge, you can see over the side and every part of you wants to jump, just a bit more,  _ please just take you and push you over _ . He rolls his hips and,  _ god _ , it feels like he’s digging into you. He starts to hit that secret, insanely sensitive spot inside of you and you can’t help the ragged cry that spills from your careless lips. He groans at the sound, moving even faster. Until, finally, you both break the wall, crumbling and curling into each other with shredded breaths.

“Good fuckin’ m-morning,” you whisper, shuddering in your aftermath.

“Morning to you too,” he says, laughing and panting. He lets you go, and you turn to watch him lingering over you. Your arms slide up, fingers caressing his chest, then his neck until they rest behind his head, brushing the flames there. His satiated smile meets yours, kissing you intensely but slowly. Taking your time.

He pulls back with a final tug from his teeth. You laugh and rub the residual sleep from your eyes. “Time is it?”

He lifts his head, gauging the light streaming into his bedroom. “I’d say around 11am.”

“Don’t you have like…work and shit?”

“I own the bar, I can open whenever the hell I feel like it,” he says, hugging you closer. You laugh and stretch one last time, lifting yourself up into a sitting position. You stand on shaky legs, turning back to smile at Grillby. He’s lying there hot and handsome, looking you up and down, a satisfied and smug smile on his bright face. You feel like you should feel weird about leaving, but…you don’t. He knows what this is, you know what this is. You’d be thrilled if it happened again, but you had fun regardless. And it seems like he did too.

“I’m gonna get cleaned up. Gotta meet a friend soon.” He nods, sitting up as well. He points you to an adjacent room.

“Bathroom is over there, use whatever you need.”

“Thanks,” you say, grinning. You cross the room, picking up your clothes. You see his glasses thrown off to the side and you pluck them off the dresser. You turn and hand them to him with a wink.

He laughs, “Thanks,” before placing them on his face. He sure knows how to rock them. He watches you disappear into the bathroom. He pushes up his glasses and stands, stretching as well. His body and magic are thanking him right now, coursing hot, steady, and content. He’ll have to thank Sans later. And you were surprisingly great. Amazingly so. He wasn’t sure what kind of person you would be, but you turned out to be funny, kind, energetic, and enthusiastic. And goddamn sexy. It helps that you both want the same thing. He honestly would not mind if this happened again. He looks forward to it actually. He gets dressed in his usual work attire and makes some coffee for you and himself. He leans back on the counter and closes his eyes, sipping the black brew, waiting for you.

You straighten your shirt and hair, making sure you look semi-presentable. Walk of shame? Fucking whatever, you got great sex out of it, no shame whatsoever. You step out and the smell of coffee spills over you. It’s wonderful and calming. You round the corner from his bedroom and see him, dressed and looking like a goddamn model in his white and black combo. And that he’s casually leaning, so at ease, is just the icing on the cake.  _ And I hit that shit outta the park _ , you crow victoriously inside. He opens his eyes as you step over and he holds out a mug for you. You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Thanks, ‘s really nice,” you say, taking a long pull. It’s delicious, the good stuff for sure.

A confused smile crosses his flames. “You sound surprised.”

“Don’t always get treated nice after they get what they want,” you say with a shrug, draining 

your mug. His brow furrows and his flames spit in agitation.

“After doing what you did?” he asks incredulously. “That’s shitty. I’m sorry.”

You smile up at him. “It’s alright. But I don’t do for everybody what I did for you,” you say with a wink. “It’s cool to meet a nice guy once in a while.”

“Well I had a great time,” he says sincerely. His flames flicker, unsure. “If you wanted to do it again, I’d be more than willing.”

You set your cup down and step close to him. You reach up and kiss him, soft but eager. You pull back and he follows for a moment, taking as much as he can. “I had a great time too. And I’d love to have a great time again.”

“It’s a deal,” he says, voice low and rumbling in his chest. You grab his hand strongly and shake it with a bubbling laugh. He echoes it. You grab your things and he walks you downstairs, opening the front door. A small group of monsters and humans stand outside of the bar’s locked doors, their confused chatter rising by the minute. They look over and stare, eyes bouncing between you and Grillby. A blush threatens, but confidence wins out, pushing to the fore. A tenacious smirk settles on your lips and you turn back to Grillby. You grab his tie and pull him down, mouth landing on his, emphatic and heated. He laughs and returns it, tilting his head into the kiss, hand gripping tight on your arm. And then you separate, a breathless smile on both of your faces. You push his askew glasses up for him, wave, and walk away.

The grin doesn’t leave Grillby’s face. Yeah. He’d like to do that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats*
> 
> Next up: Doggo/Reader by BitterSweetDeath!


	3. Smells Like Chalk and a Trap - ShittyDinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up to bat: 
> 
> Reader x UF!Sans by the ShittyDinner writer trio
> 
> This doesn't really conform to the happy nature of the anthology so feel free to skip this chapter if you're looking for happy fun stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TW**  
>  abduction, rape/noncon, slavery, lactation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, mild Stockholm syndrome, eating disorders  
> You are responsible for your own media experience and content consumption.
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER  
> If you haven’t read any other ShittyDinner fics please keep in mind that they are normally NOT AT ALL like this and are much _much_ lighter. Our other stuff is much nicer than this.
> 
> Please feel free to skip this if you're not into pain and sad.

 

 

 

 

You've made some friends online and they recommended Tinder for some fun no-string action. Why not give it a try? All of them have mentioned fucking monsters so far and it sounds like quite a wild ride. You catch yourself swiping to connect with monsters almost exclusively after their recommendation. Oops.

 

Here's someone interesting. Goes by "Red." Large-looking skeleton. Is that a gold crown? Kind of tacky but you assume monsters' dental work must have been very different from on the surface. You'll let the gold tooth slide. Swipe. Done. Next. A tentacle monster? Hot? Swipe. Next. Sheesh, it's showing you nothing but monsters with tentacles now. Yeah, sure fine. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Why not?

 

You get a message half a day later.

 

**Red:**

heya.

 

Oh, it's from Red. Nice.

 

**You:**

Hey.

 

**Red:**

wanna bone? ;)

 

**You:**

Well, that was straightforward.

 

**You:**

Do skeletons even have boners lol?

 

You might as well be just as straightforward as he was.

 

**Red:**

maybe some but i don't. that doesnt mean i cant bone u tho ;)

 

**You:**

You've piqued my interest.

 

**Red:**

so you into monsters? just a quick fuck? no strings, yeah?

 

**You:**

Yeah. You're okay with boning a human?

 

**Red:**

yep. my place or yours?

 

**You:**

You okay with my place?

 

**Red:**

sure. just got a new bed tho. nice n bouncy ;)

 

**You:**

You use those wink faces a lot.

 

**Red:**

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 

**You:**

omg

 

**Red:**

kay heres an idea: we grab a bite then you get a second skeleton inside u.

 

**You:**

Your place then? Test drive that new mattress?

I bet that line's overused by skeletons btw.

 

**Red:**

u kno it.

 

**You:**

Not even hiding it? Tsk tsk. You'll have to wait. How's Saturday?

 

**Red:**

good 4 me.

 

Being too lazy to type properly aside, you hope he’s not a douchebag and exchange information, arranging to meet up for some fast food. He picks a bar on your side of town. You might have even been there before.

 

\--

 

You make your way to the bar and spot Red in a booth. He's looking bored on his phone, leaning back in his seat. Red basketball sneakers, hooded jacket with a fur trim, red turtleneck. You wonder if he likes red because of his name or goes by Red as a nickname. Maybe the whole thing's a coincidence. Who knows?

 

"Hey there."

 

"oh hey, ya made it." He grins. "glad to see ya. found the place alright?"

 

"Yeah, no big deal."

 

"good."

 

"You're a lot shorter in person." You can't repress the snicker.

 

" 's that a problem?"

 

"Naw, it's cute."

 

He starts to say something but stops himself.

 

Aw, did calling him cute insult him? You were just teasing.

 

The two of you enjoy your greasy bar food and have a drink or two before heading off to his place. He doesn't seem to like talking about himself much but nothing about him is setting off any kind of red flag so you're excited.

 

You walk over to a rather shady part of town. Some angry-looking monsters stare as you walk up the street with Red.

 

"So's this where most of the monsters from your mountain moved?"

 

"Yeah. maybe a little less friendly lookin' than some of the guys that came outta the other mountains. heh."

 

You continue a friendly conversation but your mind wanders off as he talks about the neighbourhood. You can't help but think about some of the much friendlier-looking monsters you've encountered. You try not to stereotype but can't help but think that one mountain in particular did have a rather aggressive population living under it. Spells were broken within a few years of each other and most monsters were harmless. These guys? Maybe it's their edgy appearance that throws you off. Naw, you're pretty sure these ones have actually been violent in the past. Most monsters are harmless though. Stop stereotyping. This guy's totally nice. A little abrasive, perhaps, but certainly not going to give you more than you've bargained for.

 

Shit, you kind of hope he bites you with those teeth though.

 

Red unlocks the door to a small house with a Jolly Roger flag.

 

"what'cha starin' at?" He raises a brow bone. Okay. Definitely malleable bone.

 

"Nothing. Just excited to see a skeleton naked."

 

"heh. you gotta wait a few minutes. i'm gonna get my bro out of the house first. i might have to make some shit up. work with me, 'kay--?"

 

"RED!!!"

 

"aw shit." He ushers you inside quickly.

 

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" A much taller lanky skeleton grips Red by the skull and shoves his face into the wall. "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LEAVING YOUR FUCKING. GARBAGE. IN THE LIVING ROOM?!"

 

Red yelps. "s-sorry boss!"

 

Boss slams his head into the wall again. "ARE YOU GOING TO PICK UP YOUR SOCKS OR ARE YOU GOING TO PICK UP YOUR DISMEMBERED ARM?" He slams Red's head in again. " _ANSWER ME!_ "

 

"i'll g-get on it immediately, boss!" Red scampers, stumbles, uses his arms to break his fall, and dashes to pick up a pair of socks by the couch. He shoves them in his jacket pocket.

 

"AND THIS!" Boss motions to you. You can't help but flinch and make yourself smaller. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT YOU'VE BROUGHT HOME?"

 

"that's um, my new pet. gonna keep it in the room where you won't have to look at it. j-just like i promised i would if i brought anything home!"

 

"A HUMAN OF ALL THINGS? YOU SICK. DISGUSTING. FREAK." Boss snarls. "TAKE THAT SHIT OUTSIDE BEFORE I DROWN IT." Okay, that's a little too scary. You're out.

 

"boss! c'mon, you don't understand. i bet she uh… could be useful."

 

"REALLY?" He sounds completely unconvinced.

 

"y-yeah." He begins to sweat. "see i had this idea. humans make… uh… milk?" He quickly eyes your boobs, which you cross your arms over."

 

"Go fuck yourself!" You angle your chest away from him, furious. You're done. Bye.

 

"THESE UDDERS?" Boss lifts your shirt and bra to inspect your breasts and you screech. He pinches your nipples, twisting and pulling. "DRY. USELESS."

 

"bone-dry?"

 

"I WILL BREAK YOURS IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN."

 

Red gulps.

 

"we can make 'em work. pump 'em 'til they make milk. i got some er, _equipment_."

 

"Excuse me, what the fuck?" You're incredulous as you smack Boss' hand away (ouch, bad idea, that hurt) and pull your shirt down.

 

"UGH, AS YOU WISH. KEEP IT WHERE I CAN'T SEE IT."

 

"boss, can i have a word?"

 

They take a moment. Boss looks disgusted but you assume Red's begging him for alone time now that his plan’s failed. You glance at the front door and weigh your options. Red was only saying that to Boss so he'd leave, right--?

 

"I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT BUSINESS ANYWAY." He turns to Red and grips his collar. "YOU OWE ME." He then moves toward you, getting uncomfortably close. "GOODBYE HUMAN SCUM." Boss doesn't even look back at you when he clicks his tongue, turns, and exits through the front door.

 

"Um, can you tell me what the fuck that was all about?"

 

"fuggedaboutit dollface. toldja i'd have to make some shit up. he'll be out for hours and we'll never see you again." He closes an eye. "you ain't backin' out or nothin' are ya? still down to fuck?" He smirks that crooked smile of his.

 

"A little offended and a lot less horny if I'm to be honest. You could have said something that would _not_ have resulted in me getting molested by your brother."

 

"aw, c'mon babe. why'd you gotta be such a little shit? all you gotta do's gimme a hand." He takes a step closer and guides your hand under his shirt and onto his ribcage.

 

"I don't think you deserve that anymore."

 

"howsabout this then? i can make it up to ya" He waves a hand and you're thrust onto the couch. He's on you in a flash, his mouth on yours tasting vaguely like mustard. Shit, he's growling. Admittedly that's pretty hot even despite him not being a very good kisser. You can feel his body heat. He's quite a few degrees warmer than a human. You kiss him back. Not bad for someone without any lips. His tongue's much wetter than a human's. He starts grinding his pelvis against you and you feel the soft rubbing on your clit. Fuck, okay. This is fine. Just a quick fuck and you're out, right? It's not like you didn't originally want to fuck him in the first place.

 

You manage a soft, "mhm."

 

"so you wanna take this upstairs or what?"

 

"Yeah, sure. Might as well."

 

You get to the bedroom and you're suddenly pinned to the wall. How the fuck did Boss get upstairs? Didn't he leave? Did he sneak up while you and Red were making out? He clamps a collar around your neck before stepping back and looking at Red.

 

"YOU OWE ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT."

 

"thanks boss. you're so cool."

 

You're outraged. "Kay fuck this shit, I'm out."

 

That would have been a good plan if not for the excruciating burning sensation in your neck the second you get too close to the bedroom door.

 

You scream.

 

"What the fuck?!" You turn to Red. "Can you tell me what the fuck's going on?!" They just electrocuted you.

 

"what, d'you think i was kidding 'bout the milk thing?"

 

"I'm not fucking lactating! Do you have _any_ idea how humans work, you idiot?"

 

"s'a matter of fact, i do. you will if you pump enough." Red throws a breast pump at you.

 

"What the hell? That'll take months!"

 

"take these, babe." Red tosses a bottle of pills your way.

 

"The fuck is this?"

 

"domperidone. it'll get you niiiice n' milky." He clicks his tongue with a wink and a smile. "you think i didn't research this?"

 

You whip out your phone. "I'm calling the cops--"

 

No.

 

It can't be dead. You had it fully charged before you left.

 

"OH I'M SORRY, DID THE COLLAR SHORT OUT YOUR PHONE?" Boss is sneering.

 

You begin to panic and try to wrench the collar off.

 

"DON'T BOTHER. THAT LITTLE GIZMO OF MINE IS WATERPROOF, TAMPER-PROOF, AND FUCKING. HUMAN-PROOF. SEALS WITH MAGIC, CHARGES WITH MAGIC. COMES OFF WITH MAGIC WHEN YOU'VE PAID YOUR DUES. GOT IT FROM A GOOD FRIEND." He puts his hands on his hips while he cackles. "NYEHHH HEHH HEHH. HOW ABOUT THEM JAPES?"

 

They high-five and strut out the door as you break down. You circle the room in a panicked frenzy noting the lack of windows. It's a pretty big room with an attached bathroom. What the fucking hell have you gotten yourself into? Why the fuck did you think meeting up with monsters from a dating site was a good idea? Why didn't you nope out the second you started seeing red flags, you fucking idiot?

 

\--

 

It takes your three days to muster up the courage to make a break for it. You finally decide to run. Fuck the electrocution. It's just pain, right?

 

You bolt.

 

Unimaginable pain. You scream as you keep running, making a mad dash for the exit. It's excruciating. It burns hotter than any burn you've ever felt, frying your vocal cords, blistering your skin, making your muscles literally seize up. You can't stop. You can't! You have to keep going. You only make it to the bottom of the stairs before passing out from the excruciating pain. It's too much.

 

You have no idea what time or day it is when you wake up, noting the immense blisters on your neck. You're starving.

 

"ya fuckin' dumbass, ya coulda died." Red's sitting at the foot of your bed. His left foot's crossed onto his right knee and he's tapping it impatiently as he reads something.

 

"Good." Your voice is hoarse. You turn over and try to go back to sleep but your neck hurts too much. The skin's open and raw. It feels like you're on fire.

 

Don't cry.

 

"you know how long you slept?"

 

"Don't care."

 

"yeah well you should, bitch, 'cause you've been out for two days. shat yourself and everything."

 

"Good."

 

"not good. i had to clean you up."

 

"Extra good."

 

"boss made me sleep here 'til you woke up. make sure you're alive n' shit."

 

"Leave me alone."

 

"take a shower. i cleaned you up the first day but you smell like shit."

 

"Fuck off."

 

"clean up or no food."

 

"Enjoy your life." You roll over and pass out into a deep sleep.

 

It takes another two days before you finally cave to the hunger and shower spitefully. Your neck's going to be scarred for a long time and having that damn collar on isn't helping the healing process.

 

\--

 

You only see Red for the next few months. You can hear that Boss is always in the house but he never bothers with you. You often hear him chastising Red for keeping you. He calls you Red's Ugly Expensive Pet. At least you get your own bathroom. The skeletons have provided you with some oversized t-shirts and shorts. Red takes your dirty clothes and launders them once a week. Boss will give Red the occasional puzzle for you to test. If you're lucky they don't even hurt that much when you get them wrong. No internet, no news, no date. They confiscated your unusable phone. You refused to take the drugs only to find them spiking your food. You finally gave in to another hunger strike attempt and had to deal with breast swelling. Red comes in eight times a day to make sure you're pumping. Doesn't he have a job? You've lost track of time. Your hair's gotten longer.

 

It finally happens. It's probably been months but you finally start to lactate. You've been pumping under supervision and have gotten used to it almost to the point where it doesn't feel degrading anymore. Almost. Red cracks a smile.

 

"bout time. you know how much you've been costing me?"

 

You don't respond. Just wait it out.

 

"feeding you, keeping you alive, meds, products so ya don't bleed on everything once a month? just the pump was a couple a hundred bucks. this milk's worth quite a bit per glass, i'd say."

 

Just finish pumping it.

 

"might even reward ya for finally producing. took ya so long i didn't think ya had it in you. not lettin' ya go or nothin'."

 

"Can I... have some shampoo?"

 

"what, soap's not good enough for ya now, bitch? don't think so. thinka somethin' better."

 

"F-food? Can I ask for some food I like? A favourite dish?"

 

"not cookin' anything. you eat what boss makes for me and i eat out."

 

"A new pillow? A window? A TV? A pack of playing cards that doesn't have the two of clubs missing? Clothes that fit?"

 

"i'll think about it. but only 'cause you've been so good." He pinches your cheek, grabs the pump, and walks out.

 

\--

 

Red bought you a few pairs of panties so you wouldn't have to just wear his old shorts. So far, you've only ever received necessities like feminine hygiene products, a comb, soap, a nail clipper, and a toothbrush. There's a bathroom attached to this room but it's pretty sparse. Black huh? Different cuts but all solid black. One pair has some lace, a couple have those little bows on the front. Is he implying something? Better not look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

\--

 

Sometimes you fantasize about killing Red so he can't charge up your collar. Would Boss notice? He comes and goes but he's never gone for more than an hour or two at a time. You don't know much about what's going on. You try to peek outside but it's difficult because you can't get within three feet of the door. One of the corners of the room sets it off too. It fucking burns. Your stupid attempt had it shock you so badly that there's a huge burn scar on your neck as well as a branchlike scar extending from the source. You thought it would fade at least a little but it's huge and ugly and probably never going away. The collar itself is loose enough that you can stick your fingers under it. At least that makes it easy to clean yourself. What would you do if you got out? Would anyone believe you? Will the skeletons kill you if you tell? They did imply release, right?

 

Red's been acting weird since you've started producing milk. He lingers more and seems almost more awkward than before. He looks really paranoid whenever he's in your room and Boss walks by. It's not like he could see anything with the door closed. Why's he acting so weird?

 

\--

 

"So why black?" You normally pump silently but maybe you're finally snapping from failure to socialize for months. Your voice is hoarse from disuse. You're both seated on the bed as it's the most comfortable place in your room to sit.

 

"huh?"

 

"You bought black panties."

 

"so?"

 

"Is there a reason?"

 

"dunno. they're the least ugly? why d'you gotta ask questions? i liked it when you were quiet."

 

"I don't know."

 

"don't get the wrong idea kiddo."

 

"What?"

 

"'s not like i'm gonna fuck you or anything. i'd've gotten you some nice socks or somethin'." He's not making eye contact.

 

"Socks, huh. You have a sock fetish?"

 

"no? the fuck's wrong with you? dontcha know that socks make you cum harder?" He leans back against the wall, crossing his arms behind his head and winking. "fuckin' lewd amirite?"

 

_"How considerate of you."_

 

"you done pumping or what?"

 

You thrust the pump into his chest. Poker face.

 

"Nice talking to you. You should come around some more. Hang out instead of just making me pump?"

 

Actually… Maybe you can play a little game.

 

You plant your mouth on his and give him a kiss. You have to bend slightly since he's a head shorter than you. He's pretty receptive. Oh shit, you forgot about that tongue. He glides over you and grips a handful of your hair, pulling a little too hard. It lasts about a minute before you pull away.

 

"Thanks for the gift."

 

"n-no problem, kid." He exits awkwardly.

 

You have no idea what you're doing but hopefully you can figure it out before he can.

 

\--

 

You're lounging around late one night, rereading one of the books in the room. They gave you an old game boy but the batteries need to be removed for charging. Amazing what we take for granted nowadays.

 

You hear someone leave.

 

Within minutes, Red appears in the doorway. You're pretty sure it's too early to pump. You're not feeling the pressure that usually amasses before you need milking.

 

He shuts the door behind himself and you jolt into a sitting position in your bed when you see the hungry look on his face.

 

"awe c'mon dollface. don't be like that. see here's the thing: i can be real nice if you behave a little, capiche?" He approaches the bed and pinches your chin, squeezing your lips together as he lowers his other hand to lift your nightshirt. Fucking fantastic.

 

"Let me guess, you wanted a drink from the source, you sicko?" The sooner he's done the sooner he'll leave.

 

"don't worry babe i'm not here for that."

 

You spit, "so what, do you want to fuck me now?"

 

"as a matter of fact i'd like to see you squirm a bit. about fucking time boss left us alone." He sticks his face on the top of your head and inhales. A low rumble erupts from him and he intakes your scent.

 

You're too fucking tired for this shit.

 

You start pulling your shirt off. Maybe it's better to keep your bra on so you don't make a mess.

 

"What do you want me to do? How do skeletons even fuck? Am I going to catch something from you?" Huh, maybe you should have asked these questions on day one, genius. On the other hand, if you let him have his way, maybe he'll just leave you alone.

 

"well you're surprisingly compliant."

 

"It's not like that's not what got me here in the first place. I'll get you off if it'll get you to fuck off and leave me alone."

 

He suddenly has his hand wrapped around your throat and is cooing into your ear.

 

"oh nooooo babe. i don't think you get it." He tightens his grip just enough to not strangle you. "i'm gonna make sure you have a good time and you're gonna do the same. what'd you think i'd do, beat you, fuck you, and leave?" He releases your throat for a response.

 

"Well I mean considering our history, yeah." Your tone is acidic. Fuck this guy.

 

"nah sugar. we're gonna take it nice and slow." He lifts your chin upward and gives you a patronizing pat on the cheek before pulling his shirt off. Huh, there's not much difference between him and a human skeleton except for the fact that he's so stocky. His bones are a bit wider than a human's.

 

You can feel your eyes glaze over as he guides your hands onto and inside his ribs. You halfheartedly start stroking him and you can feel him start to tremble. He lets out a soft whine. Huh, that's a sound you never thought you'd hear him make. You wonder if he'll get better or worse with time. You increase your pressure a bit but can't keep it up.

 

"The friction's burning my skin."

 

"huh ain't that too bad? use your tongue then." His gaze is fixed on your lips.

 

Ugh, do you want to lick a fucking skeleton monster that kidnapped you and turned you into a milk slave? You spit in your hand. That's not going to last long but you don't want your tongue on this asshole. You resume stroking his ribs.

 

Red pinches your cheek again. Much harder than last time.

 

He purrs. "ey bitch. i said use your tongue."

 

You choke back a sob. "I'm good. Thanks."

 

"naw that wasn't an option. you're gonna use it." He pinches your lips until they pucker and shoves two of his fingers inside, feeling your tongue. "damn girl, you're so soft. you gonna get that on my ribs, or what?" He withdraws his fingers and squeezes your face again.

 

Don't cry.

 

You run your tongue up his sternum and he lets out a soft whine.

 

"now was that so hard?" Why's his tone so soft? He's normally aggressive but he's practically purring now that got what he wanted.

 

You lick his ribs and find your hand moving down his spine, exploring. You can feel the pulsing of magic and it's strangely electric. Every touch, every vibration, every motion sends more and more of it through his bones. He's getting even more vocal. This is kind of… hot?

 

"shit babe, keep at it. just a bit harder-- aah, fuck." You've discovered that he really likes it when you pinch his pubic arch. He's still wearing those shorts.

 

You grip his waistband. "You want to take these off for me?" Maybe if you just get on his good side he'll get up and leave when he's done. You don't really want him touching you back.

 

"mmm." He pulls them off and lies on the bed naked aside from the socks he kept on. "you gonna get back to work?"

 

You get on top of him and pinch different parts of his pelvis with your fingers as you explore his ribcage with your other hand, still not quite knowing where all of a skeleton’s sensitive bits are.

 

Maybe you can run your tongue along his the pubic symphysis.

 

"shit, can you keep doing that?" He grips your hair more gently than you anticipated.

 

"Oh, are you asking politely now?"

 

"just do it."

 

"Well, I mean, since you've been so nice to me." You run your tongue along his neck and down his clavicle.

 

He's so vulnerable right now. Could you knock him out with something? You glance around quickly. There's nothing.

 

Should you risk it? Can you overpower him? He's so small compared to you. It doesn't show until he's naked, really.

 

Fuck it.

 

You grip his neck and shove him headfirst into the bedpost. You'll figure it out later.

 

You fucking idiot. You didn't even knock him out. He's rubbing his head. Well. This is where you die.

 

He's on you in a flash.

 

"do that again."

 

"Wh-what?"

 

"again. p-please?"

 

He's never asked for anything politely before. What's he playing at?

 

You shove him again. He moans. Is he into pain? You try smacking him. Ouch that was a bad idea; he's rock-hard.

 

"please. more." He's rubbing himself where you were before moving your actions in a different direction.

 

You run your tongue over his cervical vertebrae and proceed to bite his clavicle as hard as your teeth will tolerate.

 

"aah! fuck, harder."

 

You comply. You then turn him over and pull his arm as far back as it'll bend. What if you go just a bit further.

 

 _Crack_.

 

"aaa-hah-haaah."

 

"Hm?"

 

"th-thank you." He sobs.

 

This is really not what you fucking had in mind.

 

He won't stop rubbing himself.  He's trembling.

 

You move your face to his pelvis and begin to lick feeling the magic radiating from him. His squirming is immensely erotic. You can't help but feel a little proud of yourself as he vocalizes.

 

Just a bit more. You can feel him edging close.

 

"no. stop! don't you dare?"

 

"What?"

 

"get on my ribs. _now._ " He grabs a fistful of hair and yanks you up.

 

" _Ow!_ Can you not?"

 

"don't you dare make me cum that way. lick my ribs."

 

"You know, I like it a lot more when you're polite."

 

He suddenly turns a bright red.

 

"shut your mouth. put it on me."

 

"What, like this?" You run your tongue along his neck.

 

"lower."

 

"Are you going to ask politely?"

 

"don't you fucking play with me, cunt."

 

You can't help but laugh. Will he make up his mind?

 

"why're you laughing?!"

 

You slap his face and he moans.

 

Instant change.

 

You laugh harder. This guy's full of shit. He's a total bottom.

 

"what!? stop laughing! fuck you!"

 

You grab his neck and slam him into the headboard. You can feel him squirming. Tears well in his eyes again.

 

You whisper softly and sweetly, "Oh Red. You know you can let me take care of you."

 

He seems so reluctant to come when you rub his pelvis but he can't seem to do anything about it if you keep hitting him.

 

How long can he keep it up?

 

"n-no! stop it! cut it _out!_ " His breath's jagged. His chest is heaving despite the lack of lungs.

 

You pinch his pelvis harder and continue to rub despite the friction.

 

He screams. The moan that fills the house is magnificent as his entire body seizes up in orgasm.

 

"You're such a good boy, Red." You give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

"go fuck yourself," pant, "i told you to rub my ribs," pant. His hand moves to your arm and his grip tightens furiously.

 

"You came in here wanting to fuck and now you're mad that I made you come?"

 

Hopefully he'll get the hell out without touching you.

 

"ya know what? i think i might just reciprocate your kindness." He takes a moment to compose himself. Ew, he's sweating so much. "dontchu go telling boss i was good to a human now or he'll cut me for real." He's winking.

 

"I'm good thanks."

 

"oh no sweetie, i don't think you understand that not being an option. take 'em off."

 

You honestly just expected him to want to drink from the source when he came up to your room. He's looking mighty dangerous as you swallow hard and pull off your shorts and panties.

 

"the fuck is this? you're all wet." He spreads your legs open and takes a deep breath. He plunges a digit into your sex and feels around a bit. Great, because it feels so good to get fingered by a fleshless fucking hard finger. Not. "so you gonna tell me how to make a human squeal or what?"

 

"I'd rather not."

 

"don't make me look at more porn."

 

"So what, you did research for this you sicko?"

 

"you have no idea, babe."

 

You shudder when you feel him run his tongue over your folds. He starts growling the second he gets a taste.

 

"fuck kiddo, you didn't tell me you'd taste this good. i'd've sold the idea of keeping you to boss for this instead of milk."

 

"Don't you dare!" Shit you were trying so hard to play it reasonably cool.

 

He looks you right in the eye as his grin widens.

 

"oh no, this'll be our little secret" He fucking bites you and you scream in pain. "mm too much? mmmyep. probably. sorry doll."

 

"What the fuck were you thinking, you fucking animal?!" You kick him off you and he lands on the floor with a loud _crack_.

 

His eye sockets go black. Oops.

 

"b i t c h   i ' m   t r y i n g."

 

He's on you in a split second.

 

"what'd'you think i'd be some kinda sex wizard the first time i tried? watch your fucking legs, huh? i'm tryna do you a solid here, huh? you wanna maybe fuckin' work with me?"

 

"I don't want any fucking favours from you. Leave me alone!"

 

"you," one finger, "are gonna," two fingers. "enjoy this." Three fingers.

 

That tongue.

 

Holy shit that tongue.

 

It's wet. So wet. So much wetter than a human tongue. He runs it over your clit. Again. Again. Again.

 

You're in pain though. It's too much. You want him off.

 

You start crying.

 

"what the hell, can you just enjoy this? i'm tryna do you a solid here."

 

"Go away!"

 

"you fucked me first?!"

 

"I thought it would make you go away! Get off me!"

 

He's clearly annoyed.

 

"don't fucking play with me, kid."

 

"You made me do it."

 

"so let me return the favour."

 

"Get! Out!" Your entire body's heaving as you cry.

 

He backs off and stares at you in silence.

 

Awkward.

 

\--

 

You wake up in the middle of the night a week later.

 

"Why the fuck are you in my bed, Red?"

 

" _your_ bed? bitch, i own everything in this room including you so shut your face."

 

"Can't I sleep in peace?"

 

"stop talking. i'd like to know the same thing."

 

"Get off me, you're hard."

 

"yeah well you're soft and i like it so deal."

 

"Ugh. I'll scream. Boss'll be really mad.

 

"i will literally suffocate you if you even try. shut the fuck up and sleep."

 

"Why're you here, for real?"

 

He suddenly looks upset.

 

You can't help the baby voice, "Did Big Red have a Bad Dream or something? Oh wait, do you _love_ me now?" It's probably dangerous to make assumptions but how could you resist.

 

His hand shoots to your throat so fast it could've collapsed your windpipe if he wasn’t being careful.

 

"one more word. i fuckin' dare you."

 

"Ugh, whatever." You roll over and try to get to sleep the second he releases you. Stupid hard pokey bones. Feels like sleeping on a pile of sticks. Stupid Red being a huge dick.

 

\--

 

The file on your nail clippers seems discreet enough. Maybe if you start from the inside of the collar. A little every day. Maybe Red won't notice if you keep that side at the back when he charges it up.

 

A little more every day.

 

You're about a month in when you're filing away and it zaps you more strongly than if you had tried to leave the room, singeing your neck, blackening your fingertips, and causing you to jump. Smoke and the scent of burnt hair and skin fill the room as Red rushes in.

 

"the fuck were you thinking, moron?!"

 

You're in too much pain to respond. Just cry it out.

 

\--

 

New collar.

 

Red's sneaking into your room more often to check on you. Sometimes he'll bring a physics book in and install himself on your bed to read for a few hours at a time, stroking your hair as he reads.

 

"So why're you here so often now?"

 

"this is my house and i'll do what i want."

 

"You spend a lot of time in here. You didn't before."

 

"stop talking. i'm tryna read."

 

"You're literally the only social interaction I get."

 

"well ain't that a shame? can it."

 

"I'm going to keep talking."

 

"whaddaya want from me? you think i'll get pissed and get you off if ya provoke me? hm? can't ask? you think i think it's punishment or something. tell me what you want, kid."

 

Rude.

 

"I want out."

 

"and i want quiet but we can't always get what we want, yeah? oh wait," he walks out the door, "never mind. i can."

 

He's gone.

 

"Red?"

 

You get as close to the door as you can, counting the floorboards you've used to measure the approximate distance that separates you and electrocution.

 

"Red?!" You almost never call out through the house.

 

"DID I JUST FUCKING HEAR THAT PIECE OF SHIT YOU HAVE HOLED UP MAKE NOISE?"

 

Boss is at the door in a heartbeat.

 

Shit, that was stupid.

 

"DO YOU ENJOY BEING ALIVE?"

 

"Can't say I do under these conditions."

 

He walks over and grabs you by the hair, slamming you headfirst into the wall. You scream on contact.

 

"YOU ARE NOT." Slam. "TO MAKE." Slam. "A SOUND." Slam. "UNDERSTOOD?" He's crushing your head into the wall.

 

You nod frantically, crying from the pain and trying to pinch your bleeding nose.

 

"s'everything alri--? hey! can you not?!" Red dashes in and Boss drops you to focus on Red.

 

"YOUR NASTY UGLY PET'S BEEN SCREAMING ACROSS THE HOUSE!" He materializes a bone that flies into Red's face, knocking him backward. "IF I HEAR IT AGAIN, I'M GOING TO DESTROY IT."

 

"s-sorry boss! it won't happen again! i promise!"

 

Boss exits as Red takes a moment to recover before walking to your bathroom to grab some tissue.

 

"you fuckin' stupid or what?" What, he cares now? He's wiping your face like he thinks he's some sort of gentleman.

 

"Let me out."

 

"can't do that."

 

You grab his jacket. "Let me _out!_ "

 

"DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD?!" Boss calls from a few rooms down.

 

"n-no, boss! that was me!"

 

"SHUT YOUR FACE THEN!"

 

"listen kid, i can't let you out now. something h-happened... on the um, outside."

 

"What happened?"

 

"nunnaya business. it's for your own good. don't ask questions."

 

"Red, I'm depressed. Humans aren't meant to be trapped in small spaces and isolated."

 

"huh, funny you should mention that 'cause neither are monsters but that didn't stop anyone from doin’ that to us, did it?"

 

He lifts you up and pushes you onto the bed before walking off and slamming the door behind him.

 

You lie there and cry silently as you hold the tissue to your bleeding nose and listen to him probably getting a beating from Boss for the disruption.

 

\--

 

Boss walks in one day, throws your pump and a plastic container full of cold pasta onto the floor, lifts you by your shirt, and charges up your collar-- something only Red ever does.

 

"Where's Red?"

 

"DID YOU JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME YOU HUMAN FILTH??"

 

He throws you onto the floor so hard you hit your face. Your nose starts bleeding everywhere again.

 

"CLEAN THAT SHIT UP BEFORE IT STAINS." He's making the most disgusted expression you've ever seen. He looks like he's scared to catch some disease just from being around you.

 

You decided to keep your mouth shut every time he came back for the next few days.

 

\--

 

When Red finally came back, you practically ran to him. Sure, he's an asshole, but at least he's a less violent and dangerous asshole.

 

"Where were you?"

 

" 'scuse me? you askin' questions like you own the place now?"

 

"You don't look so well, are you alright?"

 

"that's nunnaya business. where's my milk?"

 

"Hell if I know."

 

"hm. boss probably put it in the fridge. told him not to drink any. he better not have."

 

"Pft. I don't think he's interested. He's kind of grossed out by my entire existence. He'll probably kick your ass if you say anything about your milk though. He's obviously the one in charge here." You can't help but look a little smug.

 

"you know, i liked it better when you didn't talk at all, ever. can you go back to that?"

 

"Nah."

 

"shut your mouth about my bro for real though."

 

Can you even call this a friendship? Red's the closest thing you've had to real social interaction since being locked up in here.

 

\--

 

You definitely can't call whatever you have with Red a friendship. Boss is out again tonight and Red's made his way into your room and panties again.

 

"c’mon babe, i wanna hear a human squeal."

 

"You've watched porn." Your tone is acidic.

 

"let me rephrase that then, bitch. i wanna hear you squeal for me." His hand's on your neck again.

 

Fuck it.

 

You grip him and roll until you're over him. You're not thinking. All your body keeps telling you to do is fight. You hit him. Hard. With all your strength. It's immensely painful as your hand makes contact with solid bone. You fight the urge to yell at the top of your lungs as you smack him.

 

"more."

 

Again. You'll make him stop asking for it.

 

"more!"

 

Again. It's probably hurting you more than him.

 

_"more!"_

 

He's enjoying it. His tongue lolls out of his mouth as his face contorts into an expression of pure bliss while you pummel him.

 

"fuck, _____. i didn't think you had it in you."

 

You stop...

 

…and dismount.

 

"um, get the fuck back here? you're not leavin' me hangin'."

 

"Don't use my name if you're not going to treat me like a person."

 

" 'scuse me? you tellin' me what to do now? get the fuck back on me."

 

"I'm done."

 

"yeah well i'm not." He pins you to the bed by the throat and sticks his sternum in your face. "lick me 'til i cum and maybe i won't use your name."

 

"I think you missed the point there."

 

"i think shut the fuck up." His hand tightens on your neck above the electric collar. The tips of his fingers dig into your scarred flesh. It hurts.

 

You start to cry. You've tried so hard not to cry but you're done.

 

"I'm not doing it!"

 

"i said. to fucking lick me."

 

"No--!" He shoves two fingers into your mouth when you scream, depressing your tongue, feeling your mouth.

 

"d'you need to remove some privileges? i've been real nice to you." He removes his fingers for your answer.

 

You pull your face away from his hand and spit in his face.

 

"so that's how it's gonna be, huh?" Fingers go back in your mouth and he snakes back down your pants the way he was earlier.

 

You struggle under him.

 

"i can be real nice, you know…" He feels around for your clit and finds it,  " _there_ we go."

 

No.

 

He pumps you for what seems like an eternity. You refuse to enjoy it. He's starting to look disappointed but carries on. It's a battle of endurance, really.

 

Your innards coil tighter. Tighter. More strain.

 

No. Don't.

 

Don't come. Whatever you do, don't come. Don't give him the satisfaction. You feel your breath becoming ragged and your movements becoming jerky. You're close.

 

Stop. Think of something unsexy. Think of anything.

 

"what's wrong, babe? did you need this all of the sudden?"

 

Silence.

 

"what if i do this?" You feel a sudden invisible force holding you down as he lowers himself and runs his tongue over your clit, inserting two fingers and moving them around uselessly. He's a fucking amateur with those.

 

Lick.

 

Lick.

 

"No stop!"

 

Shit, the tongue's really what's doing all the work. It's so wet. Fuck.

 

Lick.

 

Lick.

 

Fuck.

 

You're in pain from trying not to come. You can't. It's too much.

 

Lick.

 

Lick.

 

You come so hard you wail. Tears well in your eyes and you sob as you release. He can feel you tightening around his fingers and grins triumphantly.

 

"see now was that so hard?"

 

You're still trying to catch your breath and contain your sobbing.

 

"you know, i think i might keep you."

 

"Wait," sniff, "what?"

 

"yeah, you're okay, kid."

 

"No?" you’re panting and sobbing, "I thought you were going to milk me for a while and then let me go?"

 

"yeah but i've grown _attached_. don't you dare repeat that shit to Boss or i _will_ cut you."

 

"I can't make milk forever, you know."

 

"yeah i know. you've got a good tongue on you though. wouldn't hurt to keep feeding you." You hate it when he pinches your cheek like that. It's so condescending. He raises himself back up. "so you gonna lick me or what?"

 

"I'm not doing it."

 

He grabs a fistful of your hair.

 

" 's c u s e   m e,   s l u t ?"

 

You look up at him in teary-eyed, exhausted contempt. His eyes are completely black again. Where did his pupils go? It's terrifying when that happens.

 

You choke, sob, and lick him halfheartedly.

 

It takes longer than you would have liked.

 

You just want to go to sleep.

 

\--

 

Funny how he comes into your room in the morning looking all fine and dandy as though he didn't literally fucking rape you.

 

"mornin' sugar."

 

"Go away, Red."

 

"yeah, nice try hon. you've got some obligations, remember?" He gently places the pump in your hands and give you a peck on the cheek.

 

“I’m not doing it.”

 

“ya know, i really like you kid. i don’t wanna have to start witholdin’ food.”

 

“Good. I’m not eating.”

 

“yeah, like your last two sorry attempts?”

 

“Get out of my room.”

 

He practically cackles.

 

“bitch you think you’re runnin’ the place now or what?”

 

You fall.

 

Well, it wasn’t really falling. You fell… sideways? You’re on the wall? He’s positioning the pump as you struggle against the invisible force weighing you down against the wall. Down? Sideways? It feels like gravity isn’t even a thing? What the hell is going on?

 

“heh. you’re kinda cute when you’re struggle, you know that?”

 

He finishes pumping and you fall to the ground feeling sick.

 

“great. _now why’re you crying?_ ”

 

“Gee. I don’t know, Red. You’ve _holed me up against my will_ , literally fucking,” sob, “ _enslaving_ me like an animal. You fucking,” sniff, “assaulted me and raped me. Oh, and you,” hic, “treat me like shit and act like I’m supposed to be all _happy_ when you walk into my room, acting all confused when I’m not. The fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“hey. no. babe. stop. listen, i--” he pauses, not even knowing how to react other than with his usual snappy aggression. “you think i didn’t mean well? you think i don’t like you n’ shit?”

 

“Get the fuck out, Red,” you sob.

 

He hovers awkwardly as you cry, not knowing how to comfort you before finally giving up and leaving.

 

\--

 

You wake up in the middle of the night. Red's crawled into your bed while you slept again. Why's it so damn hard to wrench yourself free from his grip when he sleeps?

 

You use the bathroom and crawl back in. You have to be going crazy to appreciate the company of this asshole.

 

You're halfway asleep when you hear him murmur a soft, "love ya, kiddo."

 

Oh hell fucking no.

 

You yank your pillow and blanket from him and install yourself in the bathtub.

 

\--

 

"hey, wake up."

 

"Go away."

 

"why're you in the bath?"

 

"Because I don't like being spooned by trash skeletons in my sleep."

 

"get outta there."

 

To be honest, you didn't sleep well at all in the bathtub.

 

He practically drags you up and out of the bathroom. You always get milked in the morning. You do it seven times a day but morning always provides the most relief.

 

"Can you leave me alone at night?"

 

"maybe if you're real good to me." He pulls his sweater off.

 

Here we go.

 

"I have feelings, you know."

 

"boo hoo." He rolls his eyes. "you gonna let me drink or or what?" He palms the underside of one of your breasts, bouncing it.

 

"Um, no? I prefer the pump, thanks."

 

"yeah? too bad. i think i'll help myself this morning." He grabs your shirt collar and pulls you onto the bed, then clambers on top of you before lifting your shirt and bra. He grabs breast and stimulates your nipple a bit.

 

"fuck, you know i never really took the time to appreciate how swollen you are." Great, he's growling.

 

"Just get it over with." Your nipples are chapped from wear and overuse. It hurts and you try not to flinch when he stimulates you.

 

"naw, i'm gonna take my time with this." He starts his tongue at the base of your boob and licks up to your areola, circling a few times before taking the nipple in his mouth and sucking a bit. It makes a lewd popping noise when he pulls away and licks what would be his lips. "you know how good this smells and tastes?"

 

"I don't care, Red. Finish the job." It admittedly feels pretty good when he massages you like that.

 

"mmm." He runs a tongue over you before clamping down and forming a suction.

 

"Stop moaning, Red."

 

"shut your face. it's delicious." His hand's groping your side as the other holds your breast to his mouth. "it's so warm, holy shit."

 

You're more sensitive than you thought you'd be. He's tonguing as he suckles. The sensation is very different from the pump. You're mad knowing he has a new preference.

 

"shit babe, this is really something else. you wanna sit up for me?"

 

You comply and he's on you again in an instant, licking and sucking until there's nothing left. He moves to the second one, lapping up the milk that dripped down you since you've removed your bra. He uses his hand to stimulate as he drinks from you and his hands are reluctantly arousing you. He senses it.

 

"what? you like that, you little freak? didn't think it'd make ya so happy. heh. might make this a regular thing. happy cows make better milk, you know. i'll get you in the _moo-_ d."

 

You start to whine. "I'm not a cow--" He bites down with his painfully sharp teeth and you yelp.

 

“What the hell?!"

 

"you talk too much. need me to give your mouth a better job?"

 

“Holy fuck, dude. Can you stop biting me?”

 

“ugh, if you shut the fuck up.”

 

“Do you have any communication skills at all?”

 

“ ‘snot my fault you’re givin’ me mixed signals.”

 

“What part of ‘I don’t like being here,’ ‘leave me alone,’ ‘stop milking me,’ ‘I don’t want to fuck you,’ and, ‘don’t bite me,’ sends mixed signals, Red?”

 

“you always moan and shit. you squirm. you enjoy that shit?”

 

“No I don’t, Red. Get out.”

 

“i’m not done.”

 

\--

 

It starts getting to you after a while. You're not moving around much and aren't getting any sunlight. Some people can deal with that but only to a certain extent. You feel sick.

 

Red seems to notice one day.

 

"hey. you okay?"

 

"Oh, you suddenly care?"

 

"you're not looking so hot. heh. well, actually, i’d probably find you hot either way. what’s eatin’ ya, kid?"

 

" _Gee I wonder._ You lock someone up in a small windowless room and they'll eventually start to lose it. Even convicted felons are allowed fresh air."

 

"you getting sick now?"

 

"Well I'm not getting any healthier."

 

\--

 

You wake up surrounded by plants. There's a fan outside your door. Red's also installed some kind of sunlamp.

 

You roll over on the mattress.

 

"Red?"

 

He's asleep. Why doesn't he sleep in his own damn room anymore?

 

"Red!"

 

You shake him vigorously until he comes to.

 

"w-what?"

 

"What's all this shit?"

 

"plants? better airflow? what, _not a fan?_ " He wiggles his brow bones at his own pun.

 

"Why?"

 

"so you don't die? you stupid or somethin'? that sunlamp cost a fortune. ya know how much you're runnin' me up?"

 

"I hate you."

 

"sheesh, you're welcome, bitch."

 

\--

 

Admittedly, the air smells a lot nicer with a bunch of plants in the room. You're still miserable though.

 

"Red, why do you hang out here so much now?"

 

"to make sure you don't die?" He turns the page of his book without looking up. "and 'cause you're squishy. what's the point in keeping a pet if i can't enjoy it, huh?"

 

You're done.

 

You roll over and start crying.

 

"stop it," he groans impatiently.

 

"I hate you."

 

"stop crying."

 

" _I hate this!_ "

 

"shut up before boss hears you."

 

" _LET ME OUT!!_ "

 

You hear Boss from downstairs. "WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THAT NOISE ABOUT?!"

 

You scream at the top of your lungs.

 

" _LET ME OU-OU-OUT!!_ "

 

Boss appears in the doorway, making Red finally drop his book.

 

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY ABOUT THE NOISE?" He grabs you by the hair. It hurts more than your heart. "I AM SO. ABOVE THIS."

 

You sob. "I don't _care_ anymore! Just kill me!"

 

"RED! WHY IS IT STILL MAKING NOISE?!"

 

"she's depressed, boss."

 

He materializes a bone and smacks you across the face with it, making a sick cracking sound.

 

"WHAT DID I SAY?"

 

"Let me _go!"_

 

"don't hold it against her today, boss. she'll be better tomorrow."

 

"SHUT HER UP! MAKE HER STOP CRYING!"

 

You spit in Boss' face and scream at the top of your lungs.

 

"I. WILL. DROWN. YOU."

 

He drags you to the toilet and shoves your face inside. The water in your lungs doesn't even hurt as much as the contact of your skull on porcelain.

 

"boss! hang on! cut it out! please!"

 

He lifts you back out by the hair. "WHERE DO YOU GET OFF THINKING YOU CAN DEFY ME?"

 

He shoves you back in and you feel water enter your lungs. It hurts. You can't breathe any more.

 

You hear their distorted voices yelling at each other above the water until you're lifted out and thrown against the bathtub, gasping for air. Water shoots out of your nose and mouth as you gasp and choke, sputtering incoherently and covered in your own blood.

 

Boss looks at you and Red, disgusted, turns on his heel, and struts out. Red must have said something extremely convincing to make him stop.

 

"shit, kid, are you okay?!" He gingerly wraps you in a towel before you can strike him, pulling you into a hug. You would have never imagined him being capable of real affection.

 

You snivel a, "leave me alone," before lying sideways on the spot and crying yourself to sleep, soaking wet.

 

\--

 

Your face is bruised where Boss clubbed you and where it made contact with the porcelain. You're not eating. Fuck these guys. The same fucking food over and over. You flush it down the toilet the second it gets left in your room. You can't cave and eat it if it's not there for you to eat. You're done.

 

\--

 

"you okay, kiddo?"

 

"Peachy."

 

"you don't look so hot."

 

" _Thanks_."

 

"for real, shithead. why're you losing weight? what do i needa buy this time?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"you're not as squishy as you were."

 

"Oh well."

 

\--

 

"why the hell aren't you makin' as much milk?"

 

"Gee, I wonder. Didn't I tell you about people not lactating for long?"

 

"i think you're full of shit. you should be makin' milk."

 

“Too fucking bad, I guess.”

 

\--

 

Red keeps trying to monitor you but you’ve gotten to the point where you told him that you refuse to eat as long as he’s watching. You’re having a hard time concentrating. Your hair is thinning. You’ve caved and eaten a meal here or there but you’re pretty sure sure you’re at the point where your body can’t take it anymore. You find it interesting that you’ve become accustomed to the constant hungry feeling. You wonder how long you’re going to last.

 

\--

 

You wake up in a hospital bed. Holy freaking miracle, there's no collar on you. You feel almost naked without it after so long. What's the date? Wow, it's been almost  a year since you've last seen a calendar. Goodness. You don't even care, you search frantically for some clothes, anything. Are these your shorts? Yeah, they are. You put on the clothes and dash to the end of the hall. You need to get the hell out before Red and Boss come back for you. There! An intern!

 

"E-excuse me, can you point me toward the exit? I need five minutes of air."

 

She looks up and smiles hugely, "Oh yeah, sure. It's down two lefts, and through the elevator." She points. "Turn right when you get out." At least she's really nice.

 

You run as fast as you can the second you get outside. Quickly, before anyone can stop you. Should you go home or to the cops first? Cops.

 

They take down all your information and assure you that they'll start an investigation immediately despite some of them being in complete awe of the situation. One of them even offers to drive you home after the whole ordeal. What a fiasco that was. You're just glad it's over. You're never meeting up alone with a stranger you met online again. Not after that nonsense.

 

\--

 

You finally get home. Of course the power's been cut. Cold shower in the dark for now. Assuming the water's still on.

 

You head to your room. Clothes that fit. You're so excited.

 

"heya dollface." Red's been reading on your bed.

 

You scream at the top of your lungs and start panicking.

 

"How did you find out where I _live?!_ "

 

"your wallet? might want to renew your health card by the way. it expires next month." He sits up.

 

"You stay _away_ from me!"

 

"not goin' anywhere."

 

"Get out! I'm calling the police!"

 

"with what phone? might wanna light a candle when the sun goes down by the way."

 

"What do you _want_ from me?!"

 

"to be honest? just want you. can ya stop screamin'?"

 

"No?!"

 

"stop freaking out. i own you and i'm not goin' anywhere. you wanna live outside the house? fine. if that makes you happy then i'm okay with it."

 

“What the fuck is your deal, you psycho?”

 

“i’ve grown attached.”

 

“Good for you.” You pull some sweats on, needing something with an elastic waistband after all the weight you lost. “Better grow fucking unattached.”

 

“yeah, uh, not happening.”

 

“Well isn’t that a shame? Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

 

“can i see you again?”

 

“Are you insane?

 

“no more pump? no more makin’ you do shit against your will?”

 

“I cannot believe we’re having this conversation.”

 

“maybe i could come and cuddle every other day? be real nice-- like a human or whatever?” He’s sweating.

 

“Red, are you fucking kidding me right now? You want me to continue to allow you into my apartment after you held me prisoner for a year, treating me like your fucking property?”

 

“that’s the idea, yeah.” Sweat’s now pouring down his face. His eyes are darting back and forth nervously, frantically.

 

You exit your bedroom after getting dressed and proceed toward the exit.

 

“wait! sweetie, babe, please.”

 

You’re not sure why you’re laughing. Nerves? The fact that he thinks he can convince you? The idea of a fucking terrifying monster who held you captive trying to negotiate?

 

You turn around and he’s gone. You didn’t see him get around you. He moved too quickly! He’s by the front door, blocking your exit.

 

“can we talk about this? ‘s not like you’ve got much of a job on nothin’ now.” He’s pleading.

 

You back into the kitchen.

 

Just play the waiting game. You browse your pantry, trying to ignore the intolerable rotten potato smell, and looking for some food that maybe hasn’t expired. The fridge is dead. No point in opening it. You don’t even want to deal with that smell right now.

 

You eye the knives.

 

An excuse. You need an excuse to use the knives. Canned vegetables? What if you were to cut them? Anything. You nab a cutting board and start cutting some vegetables after opening the cans. Your stomach’s in knots. You can’t think. You want to vomit. If he comes close you’re safe, right? You have a weapon now, right?

 

“heya babe, what’s cookin’?” Holy shit you did _not_ hear him approach.

 

You squeal like a pig.

 

“can you calm the fuck down though?”

 

Hyperventilating.

 

Don’t do it. It’s stupid. Wait.

 

“Hope you don’t mind canned,” you split the veggies with him. They’re bland and cold, uncooked after having been removed from the can.

 

“you ain’t got any mustard or somethin’?” He fumbles through your pantry before finding a bottle and grinning triumphantly.

 

Let him eat.

 

Your chest hurts. The anxiety’s going to push you over the edge. Keep calm. Don’t cry.

 

Wait.

 

You’re filled with determination as he lies on the couch, pulls out his phone, and reads a bit. You pull out a book, waiting cautiously. You skim every page so your eyes are actually moving. If he looks up it’ll look like you’re reading, right? Dusk. You light some candles since the power’s out. He’s still reading.

 

He stops and pockets his phone.

 

“ey, you got a blanket if we’re crashin’ here?”

 

“Just go to the bed.”

 

“you’re not leavin’ or nothin’?”

 

“Where would I go, Red?”

 

“just checkin’,” he mutters, “come to bed?”

 

“Fine. Hands off. _I’m trusting you_.”

 

\--

 

“Red?”

 

He’s asleep.

 

“Red!”

 

“zzz.”

 

Good.

 

Should you run?

 

He’s just going to follow you, right? Are there even prisons that can hold monsters? Do you have any evidence? You’re too nervous to think. You want out. Fuck this guy.

 

Plan A.

 

You head to the kitchen and grab your best knife sharpen it, and return to contemplate as Red sleeps in your bed.

 

“Sleep tight, Red.”

 

You bring the cleaver into contact with his cervical vertebrae in the swiftest, strongest motion you can muster, breaking through, screaming at the top of your lungs. It’s a battle cry. It’s a cry of vengeance. It’s a cry for the sake of crying.

 

It’s over in a second.

 

His head rolls off his shoulders.

 

He looks at you with teary eye sockets and an almost puppy dog expression of disbelief as his body gradually disintegrates before your eyes, turning to dust.

 

You stare back. Holding in your tears, only allowing yourself to cry when he’s completely gone, not even processing his final words. You don’t give a shit about what he has to say.

 

You don’t even clean up the dust. You’ll deal with it in the morning.

 

You drop the knife, head to your couch, and fall asleep in your home for the first time in almost a year.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AFTERWORD**  
>   
> 
>  
> 
> ShittyDinner’s made up of three writers (we go by Green, Orange, and Pink) but this story was mostly Orange’s baby. She’s the one primarily responsible for the angst in our stories so that probably explains a lot. Anyway, we just wanted to let you know that we all worked on this but it was probably 60-70% Orange instead of her usual ~30% this time so it turned out very differently than our normal stuff. Um, sorry for ruining your day with pain and sad if we did. We promise that our other stuff is not this intense.


	4. Eat your Greens - Rehlia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIII GUESS WHO'S IN THIS NOW *waves*  
> So, are you all ready for the main course of this anthology? The one pairing you've all been clamouring for? Are you ready for an experience you will never quite forget? Yes? Good. Brace yourselves. 
> 
> Pairing: Reader/Vegetoid (yes, really)
> 
> Summary: You fuck a carrot (yes, really)
> 
> Smut tags: humour, crack, oral sex, tentacle sex, vegetable sex, feeding, consensual vore, you fuck a carrot (yes, really)

Well, you can honestly say this wasn’t how you expected to spend your Saturday evening. Not that you really knew what to expect, exactly. 

When you had read rumours online that Tinder was _the_ place place to be for anyone who was interested in monsters in a more than just friendly way, you had initially waffled a little bit on whether or not you should join. After all, there were a lot of risks involved with casual hookups. And honestly, sex with monsters? Not to be racist or anything, but that’s weird. 

Which was ultimately exactly the reason why you joined, of course. 

Where else were you going to finally explore those stranger kinks of yours? Next thing you knew, you were swiping through profiles like there was no tomorrow. For some reason, there were a lot of skeletons on that app. Who would swipe that?! Wouldn’t that be like necrophilia? No, thanks. Not that you were in a position to judge, but still. You had to have some standards. The dogs and bunny monsters were a lot more interesting to you, but ultimately they resembled those weird furry cons too much. It was the tentacle monsters that really got you excited. Now this was the shit you couldn’t get anywhere else! Unfortunately, the big octopus monster hadn’t matched with you, but oh well. There were plenty more fish in the sea. And one of them had ultimately matched with you. And agreed to meet you. 

And now you’re standing here in front of this cheap hotel, nervously hopping from one feet to the other. 

Man, you really hope they show up. Getting stood up on a kinky one night stand would be pretty embarrassing. 

“Ready to eat your greens?!”

You flinch at the sudden statement, and take a step back. At your feet sits a small monster that is shaped like a carrot. It’s practically just a head, eyes and nostrils and a large mouth covering the entirety of its body, with a small mop of wriggling greens on top like hair. Very prehensile hair. You’re kind of disappointed because this monster is much smaller than you thought it would be from the pictures, it barely reaches your knees. But at the same time, you mostly swiped it for the tentacles on its head, so you probably shouldn’t complain too much. 

“Uhm, yeah,” you tell the monster. Vegetoid? Yeah, Vegetoid. “Sure. You booked the room like you said?” 

The carrot shaped monster flops sideways and back, and then hops into the direction of the hotel door. You guess that’s a yes. Oh man. Are you doing this? You quickly glance around, but nobody seems to be looking at you or judging you. Guess you’re doing this! You quickly follow Vegetoid into the hotel. During that brief moment where you second-guessed yourself, it has already gotten the room key. The concierge raises an eyebrow when you follow Vegetoid to the elevator, but then buries himself back in the book he’s reading. At least he’s not calling you out. He probably doesn’t want to know. Seems like it was a good idea to choose a cheap hotel where people are too underpaid to actually care what you get up to. 

One quick elevator ride later, you follow Vegetoid into the hotel room.

It’s pretty shabby, just a double bed with a single nightstand next to it. On the wall opposite of the bed there’s a flat screen TV mounted to the wall, one of the only luxuries in the room. The carpet and wallpaper don’t look like they’re from this century, but the room seems to be mostly clean at least. Good enough for a tryst in any case. 

While Vegetoid locks the room, you switch on the TV, flipping through the channels to look for something to cover up the noise you and the monster are likely going to make. You don’t really trust the walls to be thick enough to keep things to this room and hey, you want deniability when you get out of here again. There’s mostly cooking channels and advertisements on, but one channel has a rerun of Dragonball Z going on and you decide that’s just the thing. All those muscular cartoon characters screaming “Karkarott” and “Vegeta” should be enough to mask you potentially screaming Vegetoid’s name. 

With that, you’re prepared.

You take a deep breath. 

This is it. 

“So, should I strip, or do you want to start slow?” You ask, looking down at the carrot shaped monster. Vegetoid hops up onto the cheap bed, performing a nod in midair before it lands, the springs creaking under its weight. Its green tentacles wiggle on top of its head. Shit. They look thicker from up close! You really hope this is going to be worth the awkwardness of having to think about the logistics of fucking a carrot. 

“Okay.” You shrug off your jacket and peel your shirt off. You try to do a sexy little shimmy when you drop your pants, but Vegetoid seems impatient to begin and the dramatic screaming of the cartoon in the background honestly isn’t helping the atmosphere, so you forego the sexy strip and just get rid of your underwear quickly. 

“Now eat your greens!” Vegetoid says as soon as you’re naked. That’s a bit repetitive, but okay. You didn’t come here for small talk, after all. 

You crawl onto the bed and take Vegetoids face in your hands, drawing it closer to begin kissing it. Its mouth is a lot bigger than yours and its lips are as stiff as you would expect a carrot to be, so the logistics are a bit different from what you’re used to, but its tongue is long and sinuous and you really enjoy the feeling of how its massaging the roof of your mouth. It tastes sweet and fresh and healthy, like the vegetable it resembles. You moan approvingly.

Vegetoid begins stroking its green tentacles over your face. It eventually pries you off and begins slathering its tongue over your body, trailing a line down your breasts and your belly until it has reached your sex, the tentacles following the line of saliva it has left on your body. Vegetoid cackles softly when you moan at the first contact between its tongue and your clit. 

Damn, now that’s what you were hoping for. 

You lie on your back and spread your legs wide, creating enough space for Vegetoid to scoot closer to you. In the background, you can see a far too muscular character with spiky hair shoot energy balls out of his fists on the TV. Vegetoid opens its mouth wide and takes as much of you into its mouth as it can fit. You can feel the wet heat of its mouth on your ass, your vulva, and a part of your belly while it strokes its tongue over your slit, teasing you and lapping up the juices gathering there. It feels amazing and your moans are getting louder and louder. 

Still, as much as you normally appreciate someone going down on you, you want something different tonight.

“Please,” you yell, “please use your tentacles! Vegetoid!”

Man, you’re really glad you turned on that cartoon, that was louder than intended. Vegetoid draws back and gives you a mysterious smile. It twists around until the green tentacles on top of its head are lined up with your entrance. Fuck yeah, you’re so ready for this.

The coiling mass of appendages begin touching you immediately and you whine, it just feels so good, so much better than you even imagined. One tentacle strokes over your slit and slowly begins to push inside, using your natural lubrication and the saliva from where Vegetoid licked you to ease itself in. Another tentacle is rubbing your clitoris, while a third is teasing the pucker of your anus. Two more are stroking your ass cheeks and another two are rhythmically squeezing the flesh of your thighs. 

You feel incredibly filled and taken care of, and it doesn’t take long before you start clenching, the first orgasm of the evening shaking your body. You scream loudly, your voice mingling with the noise of the TV in the background.

“Shit,” you sigh once you’ve come down from your high. “That was incredible.” 

Vegetoid seems pleased, if its expression is any indication, but it’s not the same kind of satisfaction you would expect in the wake of an orgasm. So, are the tentacles on its head not sexual organs? You thought they were, but now you’re actually not sure. 

“Your turn now, right?” You prompt it, drawing one finger over its starchy lips. You lower your voice to what you hope is a sultry and sensual tone. “How do you like it?”

Vegetoid’s smile widens while its lids lower. Its tongue licks over its lips and over your fingers in a slow, deliberate motion. Then, suddenly, there’s a green flash of light and a thick, long cucumber falls into your hands. 

Uhm. 

Okay?

Vegetoid grins at you with a hungry expression, nudging the cucumber towards you. This wasn’t quite what you expected, but fine. You’re in no position to judge after begging it to fuck you with its head - tentacles. You grin back and make a show of slowly dragging the cucumber over your breasts and your belly. Vegetoid seems to approve, fixing its eyes on your stomach as you circle the cucumber around your belly button. 

“Farmed locally, very locally,” it pants, its voice rough and encouraging. 

“Nice. I love organic,” you purr, dragging the cucumber lower and sliding it against your wet pussy. 

To your confusion, Vegetoid bumps forwards and nudges the cucumber away from your cunt though. You blink down at it, not sure why it stopped you. 

“Eat your greens!” Vegetoid says insistently, pushing your hand with the cucumber upwards. 

Oh. That’s what it’s after?

You lift the cucumber up and brush it against your lips. Vegetoid sighs in response, its expression greedy and lustful. Jackpot! You figured it out! 

Encouraged by your discovery, you open your mouth and slowly take a hearty bite out of the vegetable. The taste is fresh and juicy, the cucumber water running down your chin. You and Vegetoid moan in unison. You’re not sure about Vegetoid, but for you it’s the taste. This is one really good vegetable! Hell, you haven’t eaten quality food like this in ages! You chew your bite thoroughly before swallowing it, looking Vegetoid into the eyes the entire time. 

“This is the best cucumber I’ve ever had,” you tell it honestly, causing another moan to erupt from its lips. You tear into the rest of the vegetable with gusto, enjoying how worked up Vegetoid gets with every bite. As soon as you’ve finished the cucumber, it summons another vegetable for you, this time a tomato. You eat this one too and smile at the continuous stream of moans erupting from Vegetoid’s mouth. 

First you got fucked by tentacles, and now all you have to do in return is to eat the freshest, most delicious produce ever handed to you?

Fuck yeah, monster sex is awesome! 

You’re eager to see what kind of vegetable Vegetoid will summon for you next, but instead of that, it suddenly presses itself close to you, reaching up towards you with its mouth. 

“Eat your greens,” it groans. It sounds so needy and urgent. “Eat your greens!!”

You bow down and begin kissing Vegetoid again, but it just keeps pushing against you insistently. What does it want? It’s pressing its tongue against your teeth. 

No. 

No way, right?

You draw back, looking at the monster in front of you in confusion. Its face is a picture of agonised lust, practically begging to fulfill that final step that will bring it to the great finale. Fuck it, you’re risking it. 

Looking Vegetoid into its eyes, you move your mouth to its upper lip and suck the tip into your mouth. Your teeth graze the sturdy flesh, just enough to be noticeable. Vegetoid moans even more loudly than before, panting and whining, its eyes begging for you to go on. You increase the pressure, sinking your teeth incrementally into its upper lip with a crunching noise. Vegetoid is shivering under your ministrations, producing one lewd sound after the other. 

“Eat your greens, eat your greens,” it mumbles, the individual consonants slurred and hard to understand. The TV is blaring in the background, energy attacks and muscular men flashing over the screen. But you only have eyes for Vegetoid. 

It pants and moans and whines, its voice rising higher and higher in desperation. It’s clear that the monster really wants this. And you have teased it enough. 

With a strong motion of your jaws, you bite down, and tear a chunk of of its lip off. Vegetoid screams and shakes as you chew the part of its lip that you bit off. A cluster of vegetables bursts forth from the mass of tentacles on its head, cucumbers and tomatoes and corncobs, onions and carrots and pumpkins. They smash into the walls of the hotel room and leave splatters of vegetable goop everywhere. 

Vegetoid slides down and away from you until it comes to fully rest on the bed. 

You stare at each other. 

Then you chew one last time, and swallow the sweet pulp that used to be the tip of its lip. 

Vegetoid moans weakly, and a lone pumpkin pops out of its tentacles, rolling over the bed and falling off with a soft thud. 

For a few moments, the two of you just catch your breath and look at each other, reflecting on what has just transpired between you. Human and monster, coming together to fulfill each other’s unusual fantasies.

“Was it as good for you as it was for me?” You ask coyly, unable to repress the desire to know. 

“Ate your greens,” Vegetoid pants, giving you a weak but satisfied smile. Eh, good enough for you. You’ll take it. 

You and Vegetoid spend a while resting on the bed, watching the cartoon that’s still running in the background. Vegetoid’s missing lip slowly begins to reform; there’s a thick pulpy green mass at the edges where you’ve bitten the tip off that’s slowly growing inwards. You think it’s going to take a while until it’s a full lip again, but it’s still a relief to know that you haven’t permanently maimed the monster. That probably would have been bad for human - monster relations or something. 

Soon, Vegetoid begins to squirm next to you. You’ve been wondering about the proper etiquette here yourself, so you’re actually happy to get your clothes back on and turn off the TV so you can leave the hotel. You feel a bit bad about all the vegetable goop smeared on the walls and the carpet, but that wasn’t really your fault, was it? Maybe that’s part of why Vegetoid chose such a cheap hotel to do this. 

On the way out, the concierge stares at his book with an empty look in his eyes. Refusing to look at you or Vegetoid. Crap. Seems like your plan of using the TV to mask your noises didn’t work quite as well as expected. You speed up. Better get out of here as fast as possible. 

“Uhm… bye,” you say to Vegetoid once you’re outside. What now? Weird as it was, you really want those tentacles inside you again. And if you’re honest, you also wouldn’t mind another bite of those vegetables. And of Vegetoid. The taste was just indescribable! “I had a lot of fun today. Give me a call if you want to see me again, alright?”

Vegetoid nods happily, and vanishes into the ground. You quickly walk away from the hotel, putting some distance between you and anyone who might have heard you. So that was your first experience with monster sex. You take out your cellphone and log on to your account on that forum where you first found people discussing their hookups with monsters on Tinder. There’s one thread where everyone can brag about their hookups and people tend to have a lot of fun with the weirder ones. 

With a wide grin, you type up your own post and hit send. This is gonna win you some attention for sure.

“Guys, you’ll never believe this, but I just fucked a carrot!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, really. 
> 
> DID YOU ALL HAVE FUN? xD 
> 
> I swear I don't usually write stuff like this. (Except for that one spaghetti porn I guess. Who would have thought I would one day say sentences like these. Yikes!)


	5. The MWEH-HEH-HEH Incident - poubelle_squelette

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: US!Sans/Reader
> 
> Written by poubelle_squelette
> 
> Summary: You turned to Tinder because, hey, where else can you go for some no-strings fun, and you see a sweet looking skeleton who might just be the fun you're looking for. 
> 
> Smut Tags: Roleplay, light bondage kinda, multiple orgasms, blowjobs, cunnilingus, hand holding, FEELINGS

_What to do when stuck in a relationship rut_

You stared at the blinking cursor in the search bar. Has it really come to this? You were turning to Google for love advice because you thought you had run out of options. The long term relationships you’ve been in so far hadn’t panned out the way you’d like, it was always with the wrong person or at wrong time. So you’ve decided instead to try for no-strings hook ups. Unfortunately for you, getting out there for some no-strings attached casual fun was turning out to be harder than you anticipated. How did people even meet nowadays? Bars? Clubs? You were tired of turning up empty at these places.

…so instead you turned to the Internet.

You hit the enter key, feeling only slightly embarrassed that you were relying on a search engine to help you out, but once the page loaded one of the first few results actually looked really promising.

online-forums.url/monstrous_tinder_escapades   
**Monsters Do It Better**

You had considered turning to Tinder before to satisfy you, but you were always too skeptical to download it yourself. There were too many horror stories of meetings gone wrong: druggings, kidnappings, and so on. Plus, you knew that Tinder was littered with spam bots and if you wanted to meet generic fuckbois, you could already do that at any local bar or rave. Quite honestly, you were really doubtful about meeting people this way.

But…apparently Tinder was less about human on human hookups these days as the app was now a hotspot to find monsters to hook up with. The longer you browsed the forum, the more intrigued you were. Several people posted about their experiences with the app and their encounters with monsters of all types, even apparently a carrot? You had to admit that you hadn’t considered monsters as much of an option before. You didn’t really ever see too many monsters and humans together or _together_ but you scrolled through the stories, soaking in all the details. From what you could gather, monsters definitely had a certain appeal and edge that humans lacked and, bonus, the posts praised how sincerely no-strings the whole ordeal was.

It didn’t sound like too bad of an idea, actually.

Well, you were sold.

You pulled out your phone to download the app and create an account. You posted a few photos to your profile, trying to look cute and sexy. _Eh_ you thought to yourself. It’ll do.

And then you lay in bed and began to swipe.

There were so many monsters on this app. So many! It was actually kind of exciting, since it was pretty rare for you to run into them on a day to day basis. The majority of monsters around this area lived on the other side of town. They looked so cool! You wished you knew more of them personally.

You were cycling through profiles for a few minutes until a skeleton’s picture popped up.

Huh.

You had already swiped past a few skeleton monsters already, but this one seemed different. His picture featured just his face, which would have been half-concealed thanks to his blue scarf, but he had such a big and bright smile that you could see every tooth despite the fabric. His pupils were large and star-shaped, and his cheekbones were a very nice shade of dusty blue.

…he was adorable.

And maybe adorable wasn’t the first quality someone looked for in a theoretical one night stand, but you wanted him. You tapped to view his profile.

**blueberry**

_hi my name is blueberry!!!! but you can call me blue if that’s easier!!!! swipe right for a good time with me MWEH-HEH-HEH :D wink ;D_

He had so many pictures. Several of him with friends, with animals, with food! Also he was suplexing…was that a car? You weren’t sure what it was, but something about that cute, unimposing face having such a ridiculous amount of strength was kind of a turn-on.

Okay.

You’ve made the decision to talk to him now. You swiped right and to your delight, you were already matched.

You: 4:56 pm  
Hey there sugar skull.  
You look really cute suplexing that car.  
Care to demonstrate your strength in person sometime?

You were planning on having to wait for a response, but it seemed that the benevolent gods were in your favor today because Blue responded almost immediately.

blue: 5:01pm  
oh!!! a genuine compliment!!!  
wowzers!!!  
well, human, you have made a great choice!  
although you probably will not get to see me suplex any more mini-coopers! apparently it’s rude to do to someone’s car! who knew???

Oh gosh.

You: 5:03pm  
That’s a shame! You look really cool!

blue: 5:04pm  
that’s!!! oh!   
gosh, another genuine compliment?!   
i cannot let you beat me at the tinder!!  
you! human! are very…um…

You: 5:05pm  
?

blue: 5:05pm  
um! it's…rather indecent to say.

You: 5:06pm  
Oh? Well that just makes me more curious.

blue: 5:06pm  
great! always leave them wanting more!  
i'm nailing this!!!

You: 5:06pm  
I’d rather you be nailing me.

You: 5:15pm  
Uh…..are you okay there Blue?  
Was that too forward?

blue: 5:18pm  
it!!! suddenly got very hot in here!!!!  
and not because of you!  
because i! the magnificent blue!  
can keep my cool!

You: 5:20pm  
Really? So you didn’t just run off to take a cold shower just now? ;)

blue: 5:20pm  
the temperature at which i just took my shower in isn’t any of your concern!  
but i have come to a conclusion!  
and i have a request!

You: 5:20pm  
Hmm? A request?  
Sure, anything for you sugar skull.

blue: 5:20pm  
i would like to give you an orgasm please!!

You threw your head back and laughed. _Oh my god!_ you thought to yourself. This skeleton was a riot. Cute, funny, and somehow awkwardly sexy. Yup, you patted yourself on the back. Good choice.

You: 5:20pm  
Aw, just one?

blue: 5:21pm  
well!!!   
…how many do you want?

You: 5:21pm  
How many can you give me?

blue: 5:21pm  
ooh! a puzzle!!  
well human! i guess we will find out together!!!  
;D

You: 5:22pm  
Sounds good to me.  
I’ve always loved a good puzzle ;)

blue: 5:22pm  
:O  
!!!

You: 5:22pm  
Speechless, huh?

blue: 5:22pm  
:O  
my admiration for you has increased!  
your tinder power is off the charts!!!

You: 5:22pm  
Pffft, alright then.  
Well, I’m down to meet you.  
Wanna set something up?

blue: 5:23pm  
yes!  
um…how about tonight?

You: 5:23pm  
Oh! Rather forward of you.  
7 okay?

blue: 5:23pm  
yes!  
alright human!!  
prepare!!  
to get!!!  
…  
BONED!!!!

You: 5:24pm  
Omfg you didn’t.

blue: 5:24pm  
MWEH-HEH-HEH!~

Blue sent you the address to a park where the two of you could meet. You were practically vibrating with excitement. You were a bit skeptical about this whole Tinder thing before, but Blue was hilarious and you clicked better than you thought you would. You could only hope that the boy had the stamina to match his strength.

You got dressed in a cute top, skirt, and sandals. It was pretty warm out, even in the evenings, so you figured you wouldn’t need a jacket or anything. A quick swipe of makeup and you were ready to go.

You caught the bus heading towards the monster area of town. It wasn’t explicitly exclusive to monsters, but there weren’t a ton of permanent human residents in the area. That was okay, though. You rarely got to go to this part of the city and you were down for some exploring before you did some…exploring.

Ha. A monster, really? And a skeleton at that. How was that even going to work?

…

Well, you guessed you were just going to have to find out for yourself. You couldn’t deny that you were incredibly intrigued and mildly turned on by the whole exchange between you and Blue. 

You got off the bus and took a look at your surroundings. The park was beautiful and bustling with monsters. The whole place was lit up with lanterns and bright stringed lights. There were a multitude of food trucks and monsters who were eating, walking, or sitting by the fountains. It was a really cute hang out spot. You sat down on a nearby bench and took out your phone.

You: 7:12pm  
Hey, I just got off the bus.  
Are you here yet?

blue: 7:19pm  
yes!   
look up!! 

You looked up from your phone and, yup, sure enough there was Blue, waving at you enthusiastically as he approached. Aw, he was really cute in person. He was wearing some kind of costume armor in the majority of his pictures, but now he was wearing a short sleeve button down adorned with stars, a blue scarf, and distressed jeans…wow, those looked really good on him. And were those light up sneakers? Gosh, he was getting more and more adorable by the minute.

“sorry for my tardiness!! my brother was…concerned…about me meeting you…but! not to worry! i crafted a ten step plan to get him to leave me alone!!!”

You snorted. “That’s okay, your brother’s concerns are valid. There are a lot of weirdos on Tinder you know.”

Blue smiled, raising a brow…bone? “i mean…you’re kind of a weirdo yourself.”

“Wow, kink shaming me already. Takes one to know one, shorty.”

“i'm! not! short!”

You stood up. Yup. He was at least a head shorter than you. “Don’t worry about it,” you said. “I like it. And besides,” you leaned in to whisper into Blue’s earhole, “good things come in small packages.”

Hah. His face lit up a bright blue. Amazing. You wondered if he always got this flustered. 

“w-well! i got you this!” he said, averting your eyes. He was holding out a single flower. “it’s…um, just something that i thought would look pretty in your hair.”

You looked at the flower and took it hesitantly. That was nice and all, although the gesture…felt a bit more romantic than you would have liked. You put it in your hair, tucking the stem behind your ear. “Yeah? Looks good?”

Blue nodded.

“Okay well. Are you hungry? Should we eat before…you know, smashing?”

Blue nodded again before going into a long-winded explanation of the various food trucks that were in the park. Apparently this was _the_ place to get really good monster food. You would have to file that into memory, as monster snacks were difficult to come by in most grocery stores. This seemed really nice. As you went by the different stands, Blue happily waved to the majority of shop owners. He really seemed to know everyone.

Eventually the two of you got some food from the burger truck. Blue seemed to have an appetite for all kinds of food, as he was currently talking all about his various cooking adventures and how he has to cook for him and his brother –uhh, Orange?????- because his bro had no culinary skill at all whatsoever. Like. Put bedazzles into the meal levels of kitchen disaster. Sweet Jesus, you knew monsters could eat straight _trash_ but that was pretty pathetic.

The burgers were good though. They were made with some kind of fake meat, a typha or water sausage, and were quite tasty. Once the two of you were done, Blue suggested taking a short walk through the park. Personally, you were ready to just go and hook up, but Blue was unsurprisingly very hard to say ‘no’ to. 

So you went on a walk. The park really was beautiful. Now that the sun had completely set, the whole place was only lit by the lanterns and string lights. There were tons of buskers hanging out around the area, providing music wherever you went. Blue stopped to give each of them at least one gold coin. 

“You sure are a generous one.”

“huh? of course i am. these are my friends! and most monsters don’t have a lot of money, but we all try to help each other out where we can.”

Well, shit. Was there a single fault to this little skeleton?

“c’mon! let’s dance!” he said, grabbing your hands.

“Here? Now? In front of all these people?” you asked, looking around nervously. You weren’t sure about this. 

“of course! i, the magnificent blue, have many talents! but there is little time to show them all off to you!” he looked off to the side, “unless…you don’t think you could keep up.”

Manipulative little shit!

…But you weren’t going to leave a challenge like that, so you played into it. It was a little awkward to dance with Blue, since he was a bit shorter than you, but he was very light on his feet. Actually, he was pretty good. You wondered if he took lessons or if you were experiencing raw talent. He spun you around before ending the dance on a dip.

Time seemed to stop as he held you in this position. His face was only about an inch or two away from yours, practically luminescent underneath the paper lanterns. His smile was gorgeous, sparkling even, and he looked so damn proud of himself as he held you up. Clearly he was just as strong as the pictures showed. 

Aaaaaaand that was too many feelings for you. You stood up, breaking Blue’s hold on you. “Okay, so, um, let’s finish up our walk and get out of here.”

“oh…ok.”

The two of you starting walking back towards the entrance of the park. You were staring straight ahead, but you could feel Blue’s gaze on you. Then, you felt his hand snake around yours, locking the fingers together.

…

You thought it might be creepy to hold a skeleton’s hand. Actually, this whole situation was kind of weird, but that was neither here nor there anymore because Blue’s hand was nice to hold. His hand was warm, for one thing, and his bones were really smooth – not quite like porcelain but pretty close. You could feel each individual crevice where the joints met and even that felt good against your flesh.

But. Were you crazy in thinking that it felt like such a romantic gesture? You weren’t interested in making this seem more like a date. However, you couldn’t think of a good way to pull away without sounding like a total jerk. Or racist. Or both.

So. Small talk. To distract you from awkward you were feeling now.

“What brought you to Tinder?”

“hmm?”

“Like. You seem more the eHarmony type, you know?”

“what’s that?”

“It’s a dating website.”

“oh! well…i dunno. i heard from some friends that it was a good way to…um… _meet_ humans. if you get what i mean!”

Hah. “Do I detect a human fetish?”

“well!!!!! humans are descended from skeletons! it's! not! weird!”

You chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it’s the same for me. I heard from trusty Google that Tinder was apparently the place to meet monsters these days. Guess you could say I got a bit…curious. Though after meeting you, I guess I’m a bit surprised at your…uh…well, like I said, you seem more like eHarmony than Tinder.”

Blue was quiet for a minute. “i suppose tinder seemed like a faster way to make more human friends! and i love making cool new friends!”

“Oh? So you’ve done this before then?”

When he didn’t reply right away, you looked over at Blue curiously. A light pastel blush was slowly darkening on his cheekbones. “um. no, actually. most people get put off by me. or they think i'm a kid.”

Ouch. Way to kill the mood. How to recover??

“Oh. That’s…well, I’m sorry. You charmed me from your first message. I haven’t done this before either, so I was actually really surprised at how sweet you were.”

“more genuine compliments?! oh no, i'm losing! you are very pretty!”

“Thank you!” you said with a smile. “You’re looking quite handsome yourself.”

“gracious acceptance paired with another compliment! it’s extremely effective! your legs look great in that skirt!”

“It’s taking all I have in me not to reach over and tear that shirt off you.”

Blue’s eyelights shrank to pinpricks as he sharply inhaled. Oh no, this was adorable. You tried not to laugh at him as he recovered. 

“um! so…my house is just around the corner…”

“Yes.”

“o-oh. oh! ok!”

He practically sprinted to his house, with you in tow. Hah. Blue sure did seem to have a lot of energy in him. Soon enough, you were standing out his front door. He was still holding onto your hand, so you took this time to finally pull away. 

He opened the door and took off his shoes. You followed suit, slipping your sandals off as well. “welcome to my house! feel free to take a look around. if you’re still hungry i think we have some leftover pasta in the fridge although…i think my bro made it and i'm not sure how edible it actually is.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“ok! well let me give you the tour then.”

Blue gave you a quick tour of the house. It was pretty small, but you guessed that made a lot of sense since Blue even said most monsters aren’t well-off financially. You wondered what Blue did for a living. Or maybe it was his brother who paid for everything. 

Finally you went into Blue’s room.

“Is that a racecar bed?”

“oh! yes. it was my bed underground, i haven’t gotten it upgraded yet, but it’ll do for now. i think you’ll come around to liking it. i mean, since it seems you’ll be spending a lot of time here after all.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“what? you gave me all those genuine compliments! you wore nice clothes! we had the experience of sharing a meal together!! then you danced with me and we held hands in a romantic setting! obviously we are dating!!”

Your mood instantly plummeted. The appeal of sex with Blue suddenly dusted out of existence.

“Oh.”

“what? is that incorrect?”

“I mean. Kind of?”

“what?! what went wrong?!”

You shrugged.

“unacceptable?! i thought everything was going well!!!”

“Ugh, I mean. First the flower? And then you paid for my food. And then we danced in the courtyard in front of all those people and held hands in the park? Like, it felt like. A date. A romantic date.”

“yes?!?!?!”

“I just think that…you know, like, you’re sweet and all. And you’re really nice, which is a great quality to have…but…” you broke off, feeling a little bad for rejecting him after he’s shown you nothing but kindness and attentiveness all night…but, “you definitely think that this is like some kind of date for a long term kind of thing and it’s just…it isn’t exactly the no-strings attached experience I signed up for.”

Blue blinked at you, pupils growing in size. He looked pretty upset by what you said. You were worried he was going to start crying and, oh god please don’t have him start crying, but he took a few steps towards you, slowly, calculated, until you were only centimeters apart. And then smiled? “mweh-heh! well, i guess you just wanna get right to it, then?”

“Oh…I, uh, I guess so,” you said, unsure of how to feel about his sudden change in demeanor. 

Blue looked away from you and started to fiddle with the knot in his scarf. “you know, back underground it was my job to capture humans.”

“You don’t say?” you eyed his fingers as they began undoing the knot.

“yup! i woulda been the _best_ at capturing humans! they don’t call me the magnificent blue for nothing! mweh-heh-heh!”

You sighed. Blue’s personality was cute and all, and before he brought up the dating thing you may have been a bit more interested, but he was really killing what little mood there was left. You checked your watch, considering just cutting your losses and heading home. Shame.

“but, um, i never got the chance! i only met one human and they were my friend and you _can’t_ capture friends, that’s just plain rude!”

“Mhm.”

Suddenly, Blue wrapped his scarf around your wrists and pulled you forward with a hard tug. You squeaked in surprise and jerked back, but his strength outmatched yours and with another sharp pull you were down on your knees in front of him.

“but if you’re not my friend, i guess you’re just mine until i figure out what do with you.”

You struggled against your restraints, sudden panic filling your heart. Was this happening, was he seriously taking you captive because you didn’t want to date him? You let out a loud and desperate cry for help.

Blue leaned in, suddenly not looking so small anymore. His grip on the scarf tightened and you did your best to struggle, maneuvering yourself so you could swiftly kick him and try to make a get away, but he merely dodged your attempts.

_Shit_ you thought to yourself. _I’m going to die. I’m going to die here because I didn’t want to date a monster._ You were quaking in your spot. Blue leaned in further and you flinched and tried to put as much distance between you as possible.

But then…his pupils popped into a star shape and he gave you a wide, reassuring smile.

“oh goodie! committing to the roleplay! i knew you were special, mweh-heh-heh! um, but please keep it down human. i'm only pretending to capture you, after all! wink!”

Oh. Oh! Roleplay. Thank god. Well, you supposed it wasn’t your first choice, kind of a weird thing for a one night stand, but you could roll with it. You still kind of wanted the little marshmallow to destroy you after all now that you seemed to be on the same page. Hmm. Alright, well if you’re going to be going along with this captive/captor thing, “What’s the safe word?”

“hypotenuse!”

A small snort of laughter escaped you. “What, why?”

“because it’s the opposite of right! obviously!”

“That’s pretty clever,” you said. You could see Blue puff up a bit in pride. Gee, you wondered if someone may have a bit of a praise kink. “Okay, hypotenuse it is then.” Blue’s smile widened, how cute. You glanced at the scarf, and made a motion to say _okay, carry on_. Blue tied the scarf into a secure knot and stood up straight once more to look down at you with an air of assertiveness. 

“right! human! i mean, _prisoner_ , you have been captured due to your crimes of being too…” he trailed off at the end of his sentence, mumbling something you couldn’t understand.

“What was that? I couldn’t understand you.”

“of being…too…um…sexy,” he said in a stage whisper. 

“Ohh?” you said, cheeks turning rosy. “You think I’m sexy now?”

“y-yes!” he squeaked. “not that that will deter me from my mission! as captain of the royal guard, i will ensure that you pay for what you have done, prisoner! your womanly charms and voluptuous figure will not woo me!” With that, Blue hoisted you up and set you on his bed. “and we shall wait for the proper authorities to pick you up and take you away! to um!! to your death, prisoner!”

“Oh? My death you say? Well, I guess it’s been a good run, but I couldn’t escape you forever. You’re just too dashing, too cunning, too magnificent,” you paused and watched as Blue’s face colored. Hah. So cute. You made a long exaggerated sigh. “Yes, woe is me. The sexy convict, finally captured. Whatever shall I do?”

“whatever it is prisoner, it better not be sexy!”

“Hm, well, could I perhaps ask for my last meal then?” you asked. “It’s customary you know, to give prisoners this final wish.”

“o-of course, prisoner,” he cleared his throat. “what is it that you’d like?”

You lifted your leg until your foot met Blue’s chest. You traced his sternum with your toes and kept going until you reached his pubic bone. “Oh you know, something with a lot of calcium will do just fine.”

Blue was definitely starting to sweat around the collar. “um, well! i don’t know about calcium, but i certainly have some spare ribs for you to…uh…satiate your hunger.”

“Hmm? But how many do you have? It’s so hard to tell with all that annoying clothing in the way.”

“oh! the clothing! we need to be wearing the right clothing for this and by that i mean we shouldn’t be wearing any at all!!”

“Patience! Uh…captain?” You asked. Blue nodded. “Yes, captain. We can start off slow. After all, I hear that the authorities aren’t coming until sunrise anyway.”

“!!!”

You weren’t sure how Blue was able to vocalize exclamation marks, but so be it. His excitement was endearing. You looked at him expectantly and he pulled his shirt up over his head. You sat up and held your bound hands out to him, “Now, cut me loose.”

“oh! golly! i couldn’t possibly do that! you might escape if you’re not tied up! you're just going to have to figure out how to enjoy yourself with the lack of a few limbs. an easy puzzle for someone such as the sexy convict!”

Eh, alright. You’ll get your chance to feel up his rib cage later. For now you crawled towards him on your knees and put your arms around his head so they were resting on his shoulders. You leaned into the side of his skull and pressed your lips against his jawline. Blue actually smelled really good, like a mix of chalk and a nice, mild soap, reminding you vaguely of fresh laundry. Clean. 

You kissed along his jaw until the point where the skull met the vertebrae of his spine. You had an extremely limited range of motion with your hands, but you did your best to trace small circles along the ridges of bone you could reach. You continued to pepper his vertebrae with soft kisses and glided your tongue with long, languid licks within the crevices between the bones.

“mmpf!” 

You chuckled softly and pulled away the tiniest bit. “You like it?” you whispered, earning you a shiver from Blue. You smiled to yourself as you continued your trail of kisses past his clavicle and towards his sternum. You slowly licked up his sternum, savoring the taste of Blue’s bones. It was an interesting but not unpleasant flavor, it tasted like how the air smelled after a long rainstorm, mixed with a bit of chalk and a sort of tingly residue. Must be the magic.

Ribs were next. “Time for the main course,” you said, meeting Blue’s eyes with yours and giving him a wink. “How many ribs do you have for me, let’s find out.”

Blue was breathing pretty heavily now. 

You left wet kisses along the top side of the uppermost rib. 

“One…” 

You worked your way down, softly suckling at the rib underneath.

“Two…”

You paused, letting your breath tickle the surface of Blue’s third rib, before smiling to yourself and pressing another small kiss.

“Three…”

Unbeknownst to Blue, while you were distracting him with your tongue you were also loosening the knot keeping your hands tied together until you were able to free them. You let the scarf fall onto the mattress and you stuck your hands into Blue’s ribcage and firmly pressed your thumbs along the inside of his lowermost ribs, giving them a long, hard stroke with your fingers. 

“MWEH!”

You pulled back and waggled your eyebrows. “Oh? I liked that sound. Care to make it for me again?”

“you escaped! so naughty prisoner! i thought i could trust you!!!”

You continued to rub Blue’s ribs. “Oh? Well, what can I say? They don’t call me the sexy convict for nothing. Evading capture is so,” _rub_ , “much,” _rub_ , “easier when your captor has been…hm, otherwise detained.” You gave his ribs another firm stroke and let your fingers roll around the edge of the bone. Blue let out a loud, high-pitched whine. “Bonus, if they are as easy to rile up as you are.”

With one swift motion, Blue snatched your hands and held them in a tight grip over your head. You squeaked in surprise. He was breathing heavily, with sweat starting to bead on the sides of his skull. 

“you!!!”

“Gosh, you’re fast.”

“the time for seductive compliments has already past, prisoner! you will not best me again!” Blue pushed you so you were lying flat on his bed, and then he pounced. He straddled your lower body by using his lower legs to pin your thighs down and one of his hands was keeping your hands secure above your head. You tested the resistance. No luck. Blue was ridiculously strong. 

“Aw, Captain Blue, come on, I was just having a bit of fun. Does this look like a face that belongs in jail?”

“the pleasant aesthetic of your face matters not to me, prisoner! furthermore, i believe that you are hiding some kind of magic charm on your person. i will have to conduct a search! o-of the strip variety…please!”

“Gonna have to be a little bit more commanding than that for me to take you seriously, Captain,” you said teasingly. 

“STRIP, PRISONER!”

“…Gonna have to release me for that, Captain.”

Blue released your hands, allowing you to sit up straight, but didn’t ease up on your legs. You took off your shirt and threw it on the ground, then reached back to unclasp your bra which joined your shirt on the floor soon after. You did your best to show off your breasts, although Blue already seemed to be transfixed.

Suddenly, you were knocked back into your lying position on the bed once more, with Blue’s skull pressed into the crook of your neck. One of his hands cupped your breast and squeezed tightly. “is this where you’re hiding your charms, prisoner?” he asked, breathing into your ear. When you didn’t respond, he shifted a bit and said, “maybe i will have to coax it out of you instead.” The vibrations from his mouth pressed up against your neck sent a pleasing shiver down your spine.

“You can try, but you’ll never figure out my secrets,” you said, trying to keep composure.

“sure, prisoner,” Blue said as he began to gently play with your nipple, “but aside from being captain of the royal guard, i've also become a master at puzzles and i,” _squeeze_ “will” _pinch_ “solve” _twist_ “you.”

“Hah,” you choked out, trying to keep your breathing even, “stealing my tricks n-noww-” Blue cut you off by dragging his tongue along the length of your neck, causing you to groan loudly. 

“oh! the manual was right!! this _is_ a sensitive spot!” Blue bit down gently, letting his teeth graze your skin, and then licked at the spot nibbled on. The spots where his tongue met your skin left a tingling feeling. He began to repeat the process, following the line of your neck down to your collarbone. 

You reached around Blue to grasp a few of his bones and began to rub them, trying to match the pace Blue was setting. You could feel his ribcage expand and contract against your body. He lifted his head so he could look you in the eyes as he leaned forward a bit, until your faces were only a few centimeters apart. He looked like he was trying to concentrate, and then he closed the gap with a kiss.

You broke off. “Wha-?” you removed one of your hands from Blue’s back to feel around his mouth. “Did you make me some invisible lips to kiss? How did you do that?” There were definitely a set of lips there that weren’t before, even though you couldn’t see them.

“mweh-heh-heh! wouldn't you like to know!”

You would, actually, but it would have to wait. Blue kissed you again, more fervently this time, swiping your bottom lip with his tongue. You parted your lips so your tongue could meet his. It was colder than you anticipated and had the same tingly sensation the rest of his magic did. You flicked your tongue up against his palate, earning a soft moan from Blue. His mouth had the same chalky rain taste the rest of his bones had.

Blue followed your lead and deepened the kiss on his end, exploring your mouth with his tongue as well. He readjusted his position a bit in a way that resulted with Blue on his knees with one of his kneecaps pressed right up against your wet panties.

“hmm?!” Blue pulled away from your mouth and flipped up your skirt. “what’s this? wetness?! surely this is where i will find your magic charms!!” he used one finger to trace along the outline of your underwear. “so, prisoner, this is what it’s come to, then?”

“Oh, Captain Blue. Surely you can spare me and not tear my panties off. Please, I beg of you!”

Blue began to rub at your clit through the cloth with one of his fingers. “no mercy for sexy convicts! this is your punishment!” He tugged at the elastic of your underwear, seemingly about to pull them down when

_**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP** _

…

Did he just…?

………

…No????

“Blue, what the actual fuck?”

“w-what?”

“Why the hell did you rip my underwear?”

You were torn between feeling very annoyed and very aroused.

“y-you said to not tear your p-panties off, i thought that meant they needed to come off!”

“Yeah! Like, pull them down or something, not to _actually tear them off_!”

“i’m sorry!” he did actually look very apologetic, with a panicked look in his eyes. “did i ruin it? did i fail at pleasing you?”

Aw. Well, that was sweet of him to be concerned. You looked at your now shredded underwear and sighed. At least it wasn’t one of your cuter pairs. “Guess you’re just going to have to do me a favor then.”

“yes! of course! anything you’d like!!”

You leaned in, very close, and whispered, “However many orgasms you were planning on giving me tonight, add one more.”

You pulled back and enjoyed the sight of Blue’s flustered face. He looked at you and then he gazed at your exposed pussy before he said, “a well thought out ploy from the sexy convict.” He reached towards your skirt and pulled it off, gently this time. “but i am a skeleton of my word and what is a skeleton without honor? or prestige!” 

A chuckle barely managed to pass through your lips before Blue grabbed your thighs and pulled you towards him. Your legs were now resting on his both of his shoulders, his hands were gripping onto each of your thighs, and his face was pressed into your crotch. Your eyes met his and he gave you a quick wink before dragging his tongue up your outer lips. He licks at your slit again, even slower this time, and continues at this agonizing pace. There is definitely a tingling sensation down there, but now you can’t tell if it’s you or the magic.

Without breaking his pace, Blue slipped his hands underneath you to grab hold of your back and lifted you up so all of your weight was resting on his shoulders. Before you could even protest, he has you up against the wall and pushes his tongue into you. You let out a cry and curl your toes up against the exposed bone. You were right. The cute, unimposing face paired with strength of a tank turned out to be a real turn on after all. You swear you could feel Blue smile underneath you at he goes back to licking up your opening, increasing the pace this time. You’re definitely panting now. Between the licking and tingling you’re being pulled closer and closer to the edge. You could hear Blue pant in between licks as well. He began applying more pressure and let his tongue go deeper into you. You began to shake in anticipation against him, but his hands kept you firmly in place. You let your jaw fall open and you let out a loud cry as you climaxed. Your toes curled up and your fingers scratched against the surface of Blue’s skull as you rode it out.

Breathlessly, you looked down at Blue, who had star-shaped pupils and was giving you the proudest smile he could’ve. “i did it!”

It took all you had not to burst out laughing at his revelation. “Yes, you certainly did. So, Captain Blue, I’ve managed to best you with my wanton womanly charm after all.” You stroked his back with one of your feet. 

“oh!!! gosh!!! you certainly did!! what will i tell my superiors?!” He backed away from the wall and set you down gently.

“Aw, man, you may have to punish me into submission so I won’t tell anyone,” you said, grabbing hold of his belt loops with your index fingers and rubbing the outer edge of his pubic bone with your thumbs. “Gee, I really hope that doesn’t happen.”

“uhm…on your knees, prisoner!” he said even though you were already halfway to the floor. You haven’t stopped rubbing against the top of his pelvis.

“Oh no! Anything but this! Please, oh Captain Blue, how could you do this to me?”

“quiet, prisoner! and…um…t-take me!”

You look away so you could stifle your laughter. Oh god, how was he _this_ comically awkward? You turned your attention back to Blue’s pants. He was now awkwardly fumbling with the zipper. Once he managed to unzip his jeans you yanked them down.

…

……

………

Oh my God.

…

You covered your mouth with your hand.

…

First of all, you weren’t expecting anything to be down there in the first place.

But second of all, how the fuck was a dick so cute?

It was a shiny light blue, almost translucent even, which wasn’t much of a surprise to you since that was the color that kept flushing Blue’s cheekbones all night. It was a bit on the smaller side, kind of plump and round. It really was fitting, considering Blue, and while _cute_ was not typically what you thought of when you saw dicks, it was the only adjective your mind was supplying at the moment.

You gave it a few experimental strokes. It felt…weird? Hah. Really soft and velvety to the touch, tingly of course, but very smooth and without any veins that would be present on a human’s cock. Sure, this will work. You continued to stroke him with one hand while the other alternated between softly caressing ribs and his pelvis.

You were barely at it for a minute before Blue began crying out and quivering. Oops, probably could have moved this to the bed. You were about to take him into your mouth when a line of cum shot out and splattered all over your chest.

“ahh! i'm sorry! oh no! i'm, i'm so sorry i didn’t, hahhh, ahh-” 

“Relax, it’s fine,” you reassured him. “Can you…uh…keep…going? Is there a recovery time…?”

“what? of course i can keep going??? skeletons can have many orgasms before stoOOPPing-”

Blue could barely finish his sentence because you had started his blowjob. With the flat of your tongue, you licked the underside of his dick. Much like his mouth, it was almost cold. So weird? You went ahead and began bobbing your head, stopping every so often to flick your tongue against the tip. 

You heard the faint _clack-clack-clack_ of Blue’s bones as he began shaking again. His hands were tangled in your hair as he desperately tried thrusting into you at a faster and faster pace. You could tell he was about to come again really soon.

So you stopped. Pulled yourself off his dick with a _pop_.

“MWEH?! why did you stop?” he whined.

“Oh, gee, I dunno about this Captain Blue,” you said, mischievous smile growing on your face. “I mean, I already got you off once. Should I really need to do it again?”

“yes?!”

“Eh, I dunno.”

“you!! don't!! know!!”

“Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do about it?” 

“prisoner, there will be dire consequences if you do not continue.”

“Ooh, dire. Sounds sinister, tell me more.”

“um…” Blue was breathing pretty heavily, obviously trying to think about whatever could be dire enough to fit into this weird as all hell roleplay you were trying to upkeep. “you will! definitely! um! not be able to walk for a week!!!!”

“Oh? Sounds like paradise to me, Captain. Guess I should stop then.”

“no! you have angered your guard! a grave mistake! now you will finish sucking me off _and_ you won’t be able to walk for a week!” Blue grabbed your face and pulled you back towards his cock. You opened your mouth and he began thrusting again. He was doing the majority of the work this time, so you looped your fingers around his hip bones and rubbed circles into the bone with your thumbs.

His hands were in your hair again, tangled in the locks as he held your head still and pulled slightly. Paired with all the grunting and panting Blue was doing as well as the ferocity of his speed, this whole situation was kind of hot. You could feel yourself getting wet again and you hoped that Blue would make good on his ‘not walking for a week’ promise.

A few more thrusts and some well-timed flicks of your tongue and Blue was practically squealing your name as he came for the second time. Cum slid down your throat and you swallowed what remained in your mouth.

You felt…invigorated. Huh. You knew monster food had healing properties but didn’t know if that translated to other magic. Interesting. 

Unfortunately, you didn’t have much time to think about that because Blue lifted you up bridal style and unceremoniously threw you onto the bed before mounting you. He started kissing you on the neck as he began to finger you. You let out a soft moan and he took his chance to slip his tongue into your mouth and kiss you more passionately as he slid in another finger.

Having skeleton fingers in you was not an entirely different experience to a human’s digits, but the knobbiness and crevices between each individual bone provided a sensation that was just different enough to be gratifying, especially as he pushed them against your walls.

Sweat was dripping down your forehead and you found yourself having to break off from Blue’s deep kisses to let out another whine and catch your breath. His fingers didn’t slow, but he started to circle your clit gently with his thumb. You were getting louder and louder the closer you got.

And then.

He stops. 

WHAT.

“What the fuck Blue.”

“that’s captain blue to you, prisoner.”

You are really not in a position to argue. “What the fuck Captain Blue.”

“you were really mean to me earlier when you did the same thing to me. maybe i should leave you like this. teach you a lesson.”

“Still stealing all my tricks I see. What happened to _honor_ and _prestige_?” you asked, trying to buck into his fingers. “And making me not walk for a week?”

“this seems more fitting.”

“Oh, fuck me.”

“maybe if you beg,” Blue said. You could detect the shyness in his voice, but his pupils were practically shining. Mischievous and manipulative little shit! Where the hell did that come from? Oh well, at least this time it was less roleplay and more of what you actually wanted.

“Please Captain Blue,” you begged. “Your fingers feel so, so good in me. Please don’t stop. You are magnificent and wonderful and have the phalanges of a God.”

Okay. Maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but you knew that praising him would get him off too. You could feel his cock twitch against your leg with every compliment. Yes, good.

Blue started slowly pumping his fingers. You clenched around them and let out a heavy sigh. “Please, please move faster. I want to come around your fingers and then again around your cock. Please let me come! Please, I want to come.”

Blue started picking up speed again. “who are you begging to?” he asked leaning into the nape of your neck. “who?” he asked, vibrations tickling your throat.

“You Blue! I need you Blue. You’re amazing and the best, so please, Blue, please.”

Blue inserted a third finger and started licking up your neck. “more, please,” he said, crooking his fingers upwards.

“Oh, fuck, Blue that feels so good. You make me feel so good. Don’t stop!” Blue was moving now, gently humping your leg, but it was adding fuel to the fire of stimulation around your whole body. Between the tingling on your neck, the tingling on your leg, and Blue’s fingers knuckle deep into your cunt you knew you’d be finishing soon. You used your hands to grip onto Blue’s bones and stroke them as fast as you could while whispering breathy compliments to him. He was shaking too, so you were pretty sure he was close to another orgasm as well. Blue’s stamina really did outmatch everyone else you had ever been with. 

You were bucking against his fingers in earnest, desperately trying to peak, and letting out several groans. “Oh, God, Blue I’m so fucking close.”

That’s what tipped Blue over the edge, as you felt sticky cum start to drip down your thigh, but to Blue only moved his fingers faster, thumb pressing firm circles on your clit, and tongue still lapping at your neck. He was panting in your ear, breath hot and heavy against your skin. You felt a coiling and you began squirming. You were so close, so, so, so close and you squeezed your eyes shut and _oh shit_ you rolled your hips as you came on his fingers and an uncontrollable shudder passed through your body. 

Blue pulled back and, yup, stars were in his eyes. Still cute. He looked at you, concern in his eyes. “are you…?”

You managed to choke out a laugh. He wasn’t tired yet? He wasn’t _spent_ yet? “Yeah. Wreck me, sugar skull.”

You could tell that the nickname threw him off because he faltered for a second before nodding. “right! ahem. prisoner, it’s time for your punishment!”

“Guess I had it coming. Teasing the guard, what a foolish mistake.”

“yes! woe is you!” 

He positioned himself in front of you, rubbing the tip of himself over your throbbing slit. You raised your hips as an invitation. Blue grinned, grabbed your legs and pulled them towards him, placing each one around his shoulders. He held onto your hips and pushed forward, filling you. He looked at you to see if there was any discomfort, but when you sighed in pleasure he went ahead and began thrusting into you.

Blue didn’t waste time being gentle with you. He was fucking you, hard, with each thrust. This position with your legs hooked over his shoulders was giving him all the leverage to be able to have his way with you. The mattress squeaked and the headboard of the bed banged against the wall each time Blue pounded into you. 

“are you!” _thrust_ “feeling!” _bang – bang_ “sorry yet!”

“Can’t say that I am,” you responded, before Blue thrust deeply, causing you to slam your head back into the pillow.

“i!” _thrust – bang_ “can keep going!” _thrust – thrust_ “until you are!” _thrust – thrust – thrust_

“Hah. Is that a threat or a fucking promise?”

“was that a _fucking_ pun!”

“Shut up, you loved it.”

“m-mweh!”

The faint clacking noise was back, so Blue must be pretty close again. That was okay though, you were about to come again too. You tightly clenched around him, causing Blue to mewl and push faster. Your legs were squeezed around his neck at this point, not that it seemed to deter Blue in the slightest. 

You closed your eyes and gripped the bedsheets firmly in your fists, holding on to what you could.

“um! i have a time sensitive question?”

“What is it Blue?”

“m-may i finish inside you?”

You opened your eyes and looked up at him. You could tell he was trying to keep himself composed long enough for you to answer. You almost wanted to laugh at his awkward phrasing, but instead you said, “Yes, Blue! You can come inside me.”

“ok!!!!” 

His enthusiasm drove him to increase his pace again and once more you found yourself holding onto his sheets to keep you steady as the coil was building. 

“fuck, you are so pretty! thank you for letting me do this. fuck, i want to watch you when you come this time!! i missed it the other two times! god you feel so good around me!” Blue’s mutterings were barely over a whisper, but hearing him unexpectedly swear with that low voice was a whole other turn-on in of itself. It was ridiculously hot, more so than you could have imagined.

“You wanna see me come?” you asked.

“please!”

“Then you better watch carefully,” you said. Blue slammed his cock into you with finality and you came undone, pussy throbbing and clenching around him. Your whole body shook as you screamed out his name.

With an additional few hard thrusts, Blue was screaming out your name as well, cum spurting out from his dick and filling you. A moment passes. You can still feel his cock twitching and pulsating inside you. Cum was spilling out and dripping down your skin. 

…

Holy shit.

Blue pulled out and rolled off of you. His dick dissipated. You really wished you knew more about skeleton anatomy but now didn’t seem like the time to ask. Instead, the two of you were both laying in the bed, looking up at the ceiling. You were breathing heavily now. 

“that was fun!”

“Christ, Blue, are you even tired?”

“um…” he paused, “i could probably keep going, honestly! i have a lot of stamina after all!”

“You’re going to make some girl very, _very_ happy one day. Seriously, I hope you know that.”

“really?!”

You let out a long laugh. “Yes, really!” You managed to catch a small glimpse of Blue’s face. He looked very pleased. Hah.

“um, so, i know you probably don’t want to but…do you think we could cuddle? just for a little bit? please?”

You opened up your arms. “Bring it in you bony baby.”

Blue entered your embrace almost immediately and rested his head on your breasts. Geez. You softly pet the sides of his skull. Hm. This was pretty nice. You continued to pet Blue until he was snoring. You carefully lifted him off of you and onto a pillow. You quickly threw on your clothes, awkwardly used your ripped panties as a rag to wipe up as much of the cum as you could, and tucked Blue into bed with a blanket.

After double checking to make sure you had everything, you left his room as fast as possible. You were planning on making a quick escape so as not to wake him, but as soon as you closed his door you came face to chest with another skeleton.

“Hey,” he said. “Howzit Goin?” 

There was a lilt to his voice that, on any other occasion, you’d probably find attractive. But right now, in the middle of the night, encountering a tall, looming skeleton was a little scary. This must have been…Mango? Tangerine?? Orange??? You literally couldn’t remember. Blue’s bro. The terrible cook. 

“Fine,” you mumbled as you looked at the floor. You didn’t have to look at him to know that he was sizing you up and determining whether or not you were a threat.

“Cool. Hey, Word Of Advice. Next Time You Bone My Bro, Get A Hotel Room. Walls Are Thin…Prisoner.”

Shit. Was he listening in the _whole time_? You squeaked and scurried out, moving past him and ignoring his chuckling. 

You put on your shoes and hurried out the door, trying to bury that twinge of embarrassment of getting caught by the…older brother? Younger brother? Well, you’d just ask next time you…

Oh. Not so many next times with one night stands.

You walked a couple of paces towards the bus stop when a slight breeze blew some of your hair into your eyes. You pushed it back behind your ear when you felt something soft. You pulled it out and held it in your palm.

It was the flower that Blue gave you.

…well. 

You really weren’t going into this expecting or even really wanting a relationship, but…you never really gave Blue much of a chance?

You pulled out your phone.

You: 4:14am  
Hey, remember what I said about making some girl really happy someday?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW.  
> that was fun.
> 
> Glad to get that out of my system. Baby's first smut, yes, you saw it here first folks.  
> also you date blue because FUCK THE RULES THE BBY TRIED SO HARD.


End file.
